DBT programs teach all these different skills that help control BPD symptoms

[juju 6850]

I suffer from BPD myself. I'm 21 years old and was diagnosed with BPD, depression, and anxiety a while ago.

My relationships have always been intense and unstable (mostly caused by myself, I've realized), but my behavior and thoughts are finally improving after going to a DBT-based group therapy program.

Is your partner open to going to a therapy program? I highly suggest dialectical behavior therapy over other forms of therapy/ medication. DBT really helped me learn to identify when my thoughts/ behavior are irrational, different strategies for how to deal with them in a healthy manner, and also practice implementing them.

If yur partner knows they have BPD, they should know that at least some of her thoughts are irrational and unfair. One SUPER useful strategy I learned was to "check the facts." For example, when you don't reply her texts immediately and she starts to freak out, she could take a moment to check the facts before jumping to conclusions. The only real fact was that you didn't reply yet. Then she could think of 3 different reasonable alternatives for why you didn't reply. Maybe you didn't see the text, or maybe you were busy with work, etc. So that should stop her from lashing out immediately.

And once you do reply, you could validate her by telling her what you were doing that prevented you from replying immediately. I'm not great at explaining, but I realize that I can't help having BPD, and I can't help having all these bad thoughts, but I can make the effort to learn how to cope with them effectively. I think it's important for her to realize that you're a good guy who won't hurt her or abandon her. Then she should realize that she's hurting you and no one deserves to be treated that way, and no one can stand being treated that way forever.

I hope this made some sense. It's pretty late here and I'm really tired but I wanted to recommend DBT since I read the post and recognized a lot of similarities between your wife's behavior and my behavior before. Good luck!

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[pearlsw]

Hi juju 6850,

Congratulations on taking the first step to healing.  It takes a great deal of courage to seek help!

This site is for family members and relationship partners of BPD sufferers. This is where we learn to support our loved ones, and where we learn to take care of ourselves. Because of this, we do not have the resources to help individuals with BPD, but I encourage you to check out Resources for BPD Sufferers.  You will find links to more appropriate forums, where you will find others like yourself who were brave enough to have taken positive steps towards healing.

I wish you all the best in your healing process.

Sincerely, pearlsw.