Not positive it’s BPD, the moods flip like a switch, paranoia is rampant, Help

[HisMinnie]

I’m new here... .I actually had not thought BPD until I put Jekyll and Hyde into google and this site came up and I began reading. I do have some familiarity with BPD as my brother’s ex-wife has BPD and she was just horrible. Threatening his life, draining huge amounts of money from their bank accounts, countless other things... .my husband is no where near the type of person that she is and that makes this difficult to conceptualize. However, much of what I read was very familiar to the life I am currently leading.

I am unsure how much of what is going on with my husband is due to the medical conditions, treatments, and medications he has been receiving as we had only been together for just about 9 months when we found out he had male breast cancer and almost simultaneously he injured his L4 Disc severely (herniated to the sequestrated level, which will require surgery to repair once all the cancer treatment is completed). Some of the bizarre behavior began upon initiation of the pain medication for the management of the disc injury. His family members advised me that this had been a problem in the past when he took pain medication and that I needed to be patient and strong through all of this and to just remember that it wasn’t him it was the medication!

The behavior that started at that time was heavy paranoia about everything and everyone and very quick to anger. Also, I noticed that when an argument was started that everything was turned around on me. If he wanted to know what was wrong and I said I was fearful of angering him and felt as though I was walking on eggshells, he would say that that was exactly how he felt because I was always yelling at him! I felt like I was in the twilight zone! Still do when we have discussions about these things, as that hasn’t stopped.  

He also became extremely ummm, idk, I guess maybe you could call it clingy? He was in the hospital for 9 days with the back injury, and I stayed with him most of the time. However, I had some appointments, errands to do and I needed to to so rearranging at the house to prepare for when he came home as his mobility was limited. Well, everyone I left the hospital, he would text me nonstop and then would want me back there and wonder why it was taking me so long! Why wasn’t I done? Don’t I care about him? I might as well just stay away, I obviously don’t care... .etc! It was continuous! He still does this when I leave the house, although he has calmed it down a bit because I think he’s been scolded by a few people (like maybe his mom, sister, maybe even my mom ~ I’m not entirely sure... .but he’s ___ about a few phone calls he’s had and that I must have said too much to some family members).

Things became much worse once chemo began. I’m not sure even how to describe everything, but the anger periods became much more frequent and he began making strange accusations. He decided I was an alcoholic and announced it to a number of his family. He had run up a huge bill on a credit card he shared with his mother and my mother told me that she was very sure that it was made to seem as though most of the charges had been made by me! He calls me delusional, has told everyone that I am the one with a problem and that I don’t sleep for days on end (occasionally I don’t fall asleep for a night bc I am stressed, it’s been a problem for years... .everyone knows, so he used that and told everyone that I stay up for multiple days on end ~ oh, drinking of course)  

He tell me to F off F you to F’ing leave get the F out of his house get the F out of his bed don’t sleep on his couch, and tonight ~ your a C_NT. That last one was pretty hard to take. This man was soo kind and so protective and he was my champion! He respected me and all that I did and stood for... .so this change is soo difficult to take! However, I will not give up on him and I will fight for him and I will help him through all of this! I just need the tools and the understanding of what and how to do what I need to do!

Please help and guide me through... .thank you all!

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[Tattered Heart]

Hi HisMinnie,

I'm sorry that you are experiencing  difficulties in your life.

You said that you had been dating about 9 months prior to seeing these changes. How long have you been together now?

It's pretty common between the 6-9 months into a relationship that we first begin to see some of their BPD behavior. During the beginning stages of a relationship we are on a pedestal to our pwBPD. His family mentioend that he has done this in the past with pain medication, but do you think there are other times as well?

Stress can also cause a pwBPD to begin showing more BPD type behavior. I can imagine that he is pretty scared about having cancer and then the uncomfortableness of chemo adds to that.

One thing that might help is to learn new ways of Being More Empathetic to your pwBPD. This will help validate his feelings and let him know that you are listening and care.