Wife wants to dominate almost everything.

[Browne]

I am desperately looking for help/guidance to recover the strained relationship with my wife whose I believe, suffers from BPD. I was seriously thinking of breaking up with her, if not for my two lovely kids.
She wants to dominate almost everything and feels offended if any of the family members does not agree to what she says. She would resort to a very abusive behavior to "tame" anyone in the family that goes against her.
She seems to dislike or hate everything surrounding me - my brothers & sisters, my friends, my job, my customers, my decisions and etc.
My approach of trying to minimize "clashes" with her is to keep silent or do not give any opinion whenever she says something. But I don't think it helps long terms wise as I feel that I am getting more agitated easily after years of suppression. I am deeply disturbed and am living in fear of her burst up.
On the other hand, she seems to be very normal when talking with her friends and relatives.
I went for few sessions of counseling  (that's where I got to know about her having BPD).  I tried several times requesting her to seek counseling as well but there was no way for me to convince her.
She would just put a blame entirely on me every time she gets angry. She consistently think that I am the one who make her miserable as she is now.

I appreciate any advise of how should I do to keep the relationship and most importantly to keep my family intact.
Thanks.


 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Browne,

I"m sorry that you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship. What I hear you saying is that your W gets mad anytime someone disagrees with her?

Could you give an example of this, including what she said and what you said? It may be that she feels like she is not being heard so instead of trying to find a way to work with the other person, she gets angry instead. Do you think this might be the case?

[Meili]

Let me welcome you here to the  bpdfamily, and wish for you as much help and support as I have received.  It's clear you have a lot in common with many of us here, and this is a community where we help each other, so I'm sure if you keep posting and reading you will find it helpful. We all understand - we've all been there.

What do you think is the right direction for you, and the best kind of help you hope to get here?

Educate yourself as best you can about BPD. I know your life is difficult now, but knowledge will help you make the right decisions. Please read the articles and workshops - they will give you some good skills at communicating.

We look forward to hearing more about you and your situation.

[pearlsw]

Hi Browne,

We didn't hear back from ya, so just wanted to check in and see how you're holding up?

Would love to get an update!

take care, pearl.