I need to learn how to cope with days when I become evil.

[Depression = 72% of members]

 Hello everyone,
just wanted to introduce myself.
I am from London and in a relationship with someone with BPD. We have  been together for 9 months now, and despite we had troubles amd crisis,we do love each other fondly.
I now feel I need to learn more about BPD and how to cope with crisis and days where I suddenly become evil.
I often feel that talking to people that have no experience in loving someone with BPD is frustrating. Often people and friends seems to think that it is not possible to feel this kind of love.
I hope we can all find here a space where share feelings, problems and good times, without prejudice.

[L_london]

 Hello everyone,
just wanted to introduce myself.
I am from London and in a relationship with someone with BPD. We have  been together for 9 months now, and despite we had troubles amd crisis,we do love each other fondly.
I now feel I need to learn more about BPD and how to cope with crisis and days where I suddenly become evil.
I often feel that talking to people that have no experience in loving someone with BPD is frustrating. Often people and friends seems to think that it is not possible to feel this kind of love.
I hope we can all find here a space where share feelings, problems and good times, without prejudice.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Insom]

 

Hi, L_london!  Welcome.

Have you had a chance to check out the resources on the right side of this page? >>

There is some terrific info there that I found helpful when I first joined the site that you may also find helpful. 

I often feel that talking to people that have no experience in loving someone with BPD is frustrating. Often people and friends seems to think that it is not possible to feel this kind of love.

Indeed, these relationships can feel extraordinary and emotionally intense.

I now feel I need to learn more about BPD and how to cope with crisis and days where I suddenly become evil.

Would you like to say a little more about what brought you here?  It sounds like you're feeling you've been "painted black."

[Tattered Heart]

Hi L_london,

Welcome

I'm sorry that you are experiencing difficulty in your relationship. Can you tell us a little more about what has been going on in your relationship? How long have you been together?

Also, you signed off on your post with your real name. I edited that out of your post so you can remain anonymous.

[L_london]

Hi!
Sorry I reply so late, but I was unable to find my original post, I did it now because someone who replied in PV put a link there. So, How can I find my post on the board? Apart from that... .
We've been together for 9 months now. The living situation is a bit difficult for both of us. I live with a flatmate, which is supposed to be a friend, but made thing very difficult from the beginning, so it's very hard to spend time in my house. We spend most night at his mum's house, where he lives due to lack of job and money. This is extremely stressful for my bf because he feels he's a failure.Jobs and money has been a terrible source of stress that triggered all the worst I've seen. Tat makes him depressed as well, which is probably the worst combination. That... .or when he becomes paranoid, but paranoia usually lasts just a few hours, depression can lasts week. When he's in a anger/paranoid mood the yes, he paints me black, for about an hour (a day in the worst scenario so far), then he realises and obviously say  he's sorry and he didn't mean it. Depression episodes instead are  terrible because that's when he usually wants to break up, but would never stop asking for help anyway. He has a major crisis in September, when I was away for a couple of weeks (I was away to get away from this). He was breaking up with anger and at the same time actually talking of how he was feeling, the emptiness and will to die sometimes. We recovered from there and another episode and for months we get along well. We are a team, and trough crisis I believe we are stronger, BUT, then it happens again. Like the day before yesterday, he wanted to be on himself, he got awfully quiet and then wanted to break up. Yesterday night he ranted a lot. Didn't even really brought us up in his ranting. I used empathic listening and it seemed to work. Today? I don't know what he wants today, but I see he's depressed.
I could go on and on about him and observations I've made and predictions etc. After all I don't think many people can really get in this perspective.
My life apart from my relationship is ok! I have a good job and I am a psychology student.
What I would really need is to get a grip on how to handle this kind of cycles. Sometimes it's like he switches off the rationality button and then on again. I don't know all the triggers. I don't know reach out for him when he's in this condition.
So many thanks for your attention!
Hopefully I can find your answers this time!
see you soon

[Insom]

Hi, L_london!  Welcome back.

In the menu-bar at the top of this page there is a link called LIVE DISCUSSION.  Roll over to Find Last Post.  Also, if you look in the upper left corner of this page there is a text link that says, "Show new replies to your posts."

It sounds like you are coping with a lot of emotional ups and downs in this relationship. What does that feel like for you?  Standing by while he cycles in and out of crisis?

[L_london]

At first, when I knew something wasn’t quite right, but still didn’t have a name, I waa scared. Of my actions and his reactions and vice versa.  I knew he was diagnosed with mood disorder and given mood stabilisers and anti anxiety tablets. He always said to me they don’t work, and I think he was actually right, as they are no so effective on BPD. Then I spoke to his mum and she said about his dad having the BPD and I clicked. I knew it wasn’t only depression or anxiety or mood. It’s something more complex. Since then I have been more accepting and relaxed. I know I can’t change things. I know there are cycles and so I’m learning to reduce them or not being trapped in them. I feel frustrated thou, because where I wanna be a support and when he’s down he pushes me away. That’s what hurts. I know it’s what to expect, but it hurts.
So I guess that sometimes I feel lonely in this relationship. When is fine though, and that can be for months, and actually feel very good and looked after and cared for! So it’s a bit confusing I guess!