Custody battle

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi. Just by way of introduction, I'm here because my ex has BPD and is suing me for custody-- I am sure she will make all kinds of false claims, but her goals as far as I can see are two-fold: 1) to punish me (of course) for leaving her 3.5 years ago and 2) to prevent my daughter from living in her true gender (my daughter was presumed male when she was born; I am affirming, my ex is not.)
It breaks my heart that my ex is hellbent on destroying my daughter's life like this! And mine! And my partner's! Instead of spending the $$ fixing up our home or traveling, we are just throwing buckets of money at lawyers to fight my ex's frivolous charges. This is not the childhood my daughter wants or deserves. It's not the life *I* want or deserve. It galls me that my ex is able to so effectively dominate my life YEARS after I left her.
But I can't do anything about her actions, only my reactions. Time for me to learn some next-level coping skills so that she doesn't continue to poison every breath I take.

[persimmon]

Hi. Just by way of introduction, I'm here because my ex has BPD and is suing me for custody-- I am sure she will make all kinds of false claims, but her goals as far as I can see are two-fold: 1) to punish me (of course) for leaving her 3.5 years ago and 2) to prevent my daughter from living in her true gender (my daughter was presumed male when she was born; I am affirming, my ex is not.)
It breaks my heart that my ex is hellbent on destroying my daughter's life like this! And mine! And my partner's! Instead of spending the $$ fixing up our home or traveling, we are just throwing buckets of money at lawyers to fight my ex's frivolous charges. This is not the childhood my daughter wants or deserves. It's not the life *I* want or deserve. It galls me that my ex is able to so effectively dominate my life YEARS after I left her.
But I can't do anything about her actions, only my reactions. Time for me to learn some next-level coping skills so that she doesn't continue to poison every breath I take.

[ForeverDad]

Most cases when dealing with a person with BPD (pwBPD) are tough, lengthy and too often expensive.  The ex uses emotional claims so convincingly that the truth and reality get twisted into pretzels.  Your task is to weather the never ending storm, be the parent offering level-headed solutions and document the reality to the court.

Sometimes a baby is born where the gender is a bit ambiguous, it's uncommon but not entirely rare.  A DNA test ought to aid the court to confirm XX, XY, or an uncommon trio combination.  If it is standard XX or XY then the ambiguity ex has used for furthering her dispute may be due to hormonal or environmental causes, or sheer happenstance.  Of course, this is peer support and not a scientific forum.

[Mutt]

Hi persimmon,



You’re in the right place. I completely understand how scary court proceedings are with a pwBPD. You’re not alone it helps to talk to people that are in a similar situation. Her mother doesn’t have custody and she’s suing you for full custody? Is that right?