Adult child with BPD won't grow up

[MamaKelly]

Hi there!
This is my first time on. 
I'm looking for support as I set boundaries with my 19 year old son w/ BPD, who is too abusive to live at home, yet doesn't do what he needs to do to live on his own (consistent job,  roommate issues, spends all his money on marijuana). My husband and I have decided not to financially support him anymore, but I'm scared he'll end up homeless.  I think we are doing the right thing but I'm terrified!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Feeling Better]

Hello MamaKelly

Welcome, you have come to the right place for help and support.

quote MamaKelly:
I'm looking for support as I set boundaries with my 19 year old son w/ BPD, who is too abusive to live at home, yet doesn't do what he needs to do to live on his own (consistent job,  roommate issues, spends all his money on marijuana).

First of all I would like to applaud you for recognising the need for setting boundaries, help is at hand, on the right hand side.     under the heading ‘Tools’, click on the link ‘Communicate Boundaries & Limits’.

You say that he is too abusive to live at home yet doesn’t do what he needs to do to live on his own, how frustrating that must be for both you and your husband.

quote:
 My husband and I have decided not to financially support him anymore, but I'm scared he'll end up homeless.  I think we are doing the right thing but I'm terrified!

You and your husband have shown great courage and wisdom in making the decision that you have. Yes, there is a possibility that your son could end up homeless but then again he might not, either way you are aware of that outcome. I understand how scary and worrying all of this can be, I have been there with my own son and it’s not a good place to be. I am more at ease about it these days, knowing that whatever happens, his life is his life. He is an adult and it is up to him how he lives and what choices he makes.

[bluek9]

Hi Mamakelly,

       Welcome to this place. I'm here same as you because I have a BPD child. My daughter is 35 and like you I also worried about the choices she made. There was a time(1 of only a couple) that she was homeless in New Mexico, on the streets with her 5 month old son. Sad to say I was worried sick about her and my grandson.
       Now we are in a much better place after struggling for years. I hear you about the financial support. Sometimes as parents we have to start somewhere to set those boundaries. I'm happy to hear that you and your husband are on the same page in this. Both of you have support in each other, that's great. Unfortunately that feeling of being terrified comes with the territory of raising kids.
      I know you will find support here, we share so much in common, the parents here. Keep posting.

[Mutt]

Hi Mamakelly,



Id like to join the others and welcome you. I’m sorry that your son S19 you and your H in a difficult predicament. I think that choosing to set boundaries is a good idea I’d worry too if it were my child I don’t gave a child I have an ex with BPD traits, it helps to talk to others that can relate with you while you’re navigating these waters. You’re not alone.

[MamaKelly]

Thank you all for your support and understanding  . As you know, having a BPD loved one can be so incredibly isolating.  Knowing I have support from those who have walked in my shoes brings me hope.

[wendydarling]

Hi Mamakelly

Welcome to you. It is isolating and I'm glad you feel support, you'll certainly receive it here, we all understand what you are dealing with.  . How are you feeling today, what's happening for you?

We are here and listening.

WDx

[bluek9]

Hi Mamakelly,
        I just wanted to get back in touch with you, see how things are going. See how you are doing. Are you navigating the board ok? Finding things of value for yourself? Let me know how you are keeping from isolating, it is so easy to do and can really be devistating. I'm so very happy to read that you feel supported here. Let me know how eveything is with you.