Detaching From a Failed Relationship

[heartsad]

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I am Heartsad.  Recently at the end of February, I broke up with my BPD boyfriend and although I know his lack of empathy and lack of adherence of my boundaries could not sustain a healthy relationship, I am missing him and his good points.  If anyone has experience, strength and hope to offer, I would be appreciative.

[Shawnlam]

Hi there ! I’m sorry this happened to you and you definitely aren’t alone.The one good thing you are doing is remembering the good times which isn’t a bad thing.The one thing you will need to do however when it comes to moving on and healing yourself is to also remember the bad times.There was a reason it didn’t work out and as much as those good times were probably some of the best times you’ve had , if you read up on BPD you will know why.You will also know you are not to blame and you are not responsible for who your partner is or what they suffer from.Its very very hard emotionally to understand what you are dealing with when thinking of your partner but it’s necessary in order for you to heal and move on even if you don’t want to.(trust me I’m still way too attached to mine and she hasn’t said two words to me since).Just remember when you are on this forum ... .you are not alone

[Lucky Jim]

Hey heartsad, Let me join ShawnIam and say Welcome.  I agree about remembering that there is a reason (or reasons) why it didn't work out.  It's normal to miss one's former SO, notwithstanding his/her shortcomings.  My suggestion is to allow yourself to acknowledge and experience those sad feelings, in order to let go of them.  Posting here on this forum is an excellent way to start the healing process.  Nearly all of us on this Board are in different stages of detaching from a pwBPD so we understand what you are going through.

LuckyJim