It is impossible for a pwBPD to maintain any type of healthy relationship

[AustenJ]

It is impossible for a pwBPD to maintain any type of healthy relationship. I have a friend who is recently divorced and knows my history with my diagnosed BPD exgf. He knows she's in a committed, serious, long-term relationship with my replacement. He knows she's totally bat crap crazy which she copes with through heavy drinking and impulsive sex. His marriage lacked any sex for the last 10 years, and he wants NO commitment after his divorce... .and all three of us work together, and we partied together when I was with her... .so... .she already has an established "friend" attachment/relationship with him, and I know she tried to seduce him when she was with me... .so... .see where this is going?

This may be the only type of "relationship" a pwBPD has a chance of maintaining. None of us that had serious relationships with pwBPD had no idea what we were getting ourselves into... .but my buddy does... .he has no problem using her as she will most certainly want to use him. I recall a movie called Eyes Wide Open... .but I warn him that she sings the Siren's song very well, and her beauty and charms are very seductive... .I don't know if he will pursue it, but from my experience with her, I'm positive she will.

[lighthouse9]

Impossible? I don't think it is impossible necessarily. But it will likely take years of therapy for a pwBPD to counter some of their self-sabotaging and relationship-sabotaging tendencies in order to maintain something healthy - and it will have to be with a partner who has also done their own work. And, the person with BPD has to want to do that work and really feel like it's the only way to live a life worth living. Some people, BPD or not, are satisfied enough with unhealthy relationships and coping with, like you said, heavy drinking and impulsive sex.

I'm curious AustenJ, are you worried for your friend? Are you worried for her? Are you worried for yourself? What brings you to your curiosity about pwBPD and their ability to maintain a relationship?

[spero]

Hi there AustenJ, let me join lighthouse9 in sending a warm hello.

This may be the only type of "relationship" a pwBPD has a chance of maintaining. None of us that had serious relationships with pwBPD had no idea what we were getting ourselves into... .but my buddy does... .he has no problem using her as she will most certainly want to use him. I recall a movie called Eyes Wide Open... .but I warn him that she sings the Siren's song very well, and her beauty and charms are very seductive... .I don't know if he will pursue it, but from my experience with her, I'm positive she will.

Hmm, i don't know about you. But i find this rather disturbing. I mean, your buddy... .is if i may, either, playing with fire, having a gross overestimation of his own ability and in extreme situations, possibly even displaying traits of being a narcissist? (without being rude). I mean, to have no qualms about using her and her using him, that is a stepup for a workable but obviously dysfunctional relationship. This "using" of each other is very much what i would deem as "objectification" of people. You no longer see this person as an individual but rather as an "object" to be used... .in most cases for your own personal gain or satisfaction and probably even sex in some situations. My own uBPDexGF was attached to a person displaying NPD traits and in that kind of relationship, it could last, but terribly abusive.

I would say that having BPD, the individual has alot of difficult maintaining relationships because of over-sensitivity and perhaps even the constant need for external validation ( ie being validated by another person ). That alone makes it difficult to communicate, and stop going through circular arguments. But i would say AustenJ, it is your friend's choice. The old saying holds. You can certainly bring a horse to the water, but you can't make it drink. Warning your friend is certainly kind of you, but he'll have to either take it from you, or learn it the hard way, or perhaps even... have some own issues if he continues to pursue this.

Yours,
Spero.