Our hundredth breakup over ...nothing..Now it's really over

[turtle64]

He idealized me, persuded me relentlessly, convinced me to end my marriage to be with him because he had never know another love like what he was feeling for me. Only weeks later it started... .
He would get completely bent out of shape and leave in a huff if things weren't the way he had imagined they would be. My crimes at the time included: not wanting to go to sleep at 7pm because we should work out at 4am, forgetting to turn the ringer off on my phone after 7pm. (I have two children away at college, that was never going to happen.) Having to cover the tiny charging light on my laptop computer because it was "obnoxiously bright"... .On and on and on. At first I thought "He can't be serious, right?, wrong!
I guess I'm rambling here but I just recently put my finger on the problem. My ex has BPD. A prince one moment and then wild accusations the next. Completely false accusations accusing me of terrible, hurtful things. My head was always spinning, I began to always feel anxiety when I was around him and told him that I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around him. Never before in my life have I met someone like this. The first big red flag is that he has no other friends. He is myopic in views and intolerant and volatile with the people around him.
He sounds like a nightmare right? Yes and no. The flip side of his personality was warm and generous and loving. It is the speed at which THAT person would turn into the paranoid, accusatory person I didn't even know. Oh and the worst part about all of it?... .Zero empathy

[Cromwell]

welcome to the board turtle64

sounds like he could equally have been a narcissist based on some of the traits garnished from your story.

amongst  other things.
 
in fairness, those lights can be really annoying  , i disabled mine because couldnt sleep from it. but I know that it is the way you were blamed for it is the issue.

regardless of him, you say its really over and i hope you continue forward in life no longer having to put up living with it anymore and as time goes on, not to carry it with you.

[heartandwhole]

Hi turtle64,

 

Welcome to the community. I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation again. I've been there, and it hurts.

What happened this time to cause the breakup?

Keep posting. Let it all out. We're listening and we're here to support you. 

heartandwhole

[spero]

Hey there turtle64  .

I join heartandwhole in welcoming you to this board.
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. It must be both so heartbreaking and confusing trying to make sense of what is "happening" at this present moment. May i also clarify if your ex-partner has been clinically diagnosed with BPD as a condition or would is it something that you've observed over a duration of time? This isn't to say that he may not have BPD.

From your descriptions, it sounds really unreasonable and some details almost seem like "nitpicking" while having a certain insistence of having things done in a certain way, more so done in his way, as compared to any other way. The thing is, Turtle64, what you have seen and observed is indeed as he is at present as a person. As you have pointed out, he would be nice in one moment, and the next, he would be something totally different.

Do let us know how you are coping at this moment. Hope to hear from you soon.

Takecare,
Spero.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey turtle64, Let me join spero, h&w and Cromwell and say, Welcome!  We are quite familiar with the person you describe, because each of us knows someone who exhibits similar behaviors.  You are not alone, believe me.  How long have you been in your current r/s with your SO?  How did you figure out that he suffers from BPD?  Fill us in, when you can.

LuckyJim

[MeandThee29]

 

I'm sorry that you went through this.

Just be prepared for a recycle. Many times they'll want to take everything they said back and start over again because they feel guilty/alone/disconnected, etc. Start journalling or making lists to strengthen your resolve.

[Shawnlam]

Sorry to hear about your experience turtle welcome to the group here .We all understand what you are going through feel free to ask or write anything that will make you feel better