Struggling with it all right now, feeling broken.

[Beren2016]

hi all again

just looking for some advice help

i am a very resilient person and for the last 6 years in my relationship i have taken every crisis and conflict in my stride, letting this wash over me and using communication skills and empathy the best i can. recently though i just feel broken.

i feel mentally exhausted, like i never stop. i feel like i am more affected by my girlfriend's BPD, and when she is triggered, i have found myself using language to myself like "i have done wrong" "i should have known better" "it was my fault, i shouldn't have... .". i feel like i am laying all of the blame for conflict at my feet and i don't know how it could be anything else right now... .if i didn't say X then the anger wouldn't have been triggered.

i am realising how much i am internalising everything

i am better than this, i have always handled everything very well, i understand BPD well and i've never taken anything personally and taken everything at as it comes. i just feel like that is not me right now, i feel broken and i don't know how to fix this.


notes
i have not had the best 5 months (bereavement,threat to job, money worries,personal health issues) i am unsure if this is the reason for the above drop in my resilience as i am just starting to come out of this now.


sorry i have no real question but thank you anyway.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Beren2016,

Oh, I hear ya! I am pretty resilient, but in these last, oh my... .let me count... .oh gosh, it's a whole year, I don't even need to use my fingers, I've been in a tough spot for a year. And that doesn't count the 8 months before that!

Well, very glad you are here and talking about it - no reason to be alone in dark times, okay? This is great place to externalize, instead of internalize all you are carrying! It is also really important to not, um, force yourself into a place where you have to stand back up and face everything all at once! It might be a good idea to let yourself be okay with being less than you know you can be right now... .just knowing you'll get back to being yourself again in time, when it it is the right time.

What would make you feel most at peace nowadays? Do you have any internal positive voices or messaging that could help lift you back up a bit? Things like, "I'm doing the best I can." "This is just temporary.", etc.

In know in my darkest times I've tried to come back to breathing and meditation and finding small joys. I like flowers so when I walk to the train I note the many interesting shapes and colors of all the wildflowers I see and really look at them - deeply. I also like to pick dandelions and blow on them for fun. Why not make more pretty weeds for everyone?  I just restarted doing 10 minutes of meditation a day. Would you like to considering joining me in this? A little meditation to bring you a little peace of mind. Even just now perhaps, some deep breaths? With each breath releasing some of this burden you are carrying.

Let me know how it goes if you give it a try! And if not, and I'm a goof, let me know too!

with compassion, pearl.