Thank you for this site

[Shawnlam]

Well I can honestly say in a short period of time it seems I got my head out of my own a$$ sort of expression.Obviously I owe most of this to the people here who don’t sugar coat their opinions or tell you want you want to hear (and that’s a good thing).I was acting like a depressed child and frankly reading some posts towards my complaining and feeling sorry for myself combined with trying to act tuff , helped me snap into place.I stopped drinking,I stopped trying to figure out what went wrong and if I could have fixed things during the relationship.I stopped trying to pass blame on others and I stopped trying to pass blame on myself for everything.

Once I started to work on myself by stopping the booze,eating better,working out again like I used to,going back to stopped hobbies like jogging,boxing,motorcycling and reading normal books, I just felt a million times better.I won’t try convincing anyone here that my exGF with BPD is out of me completely, I don’t think she ever will.But My obsession with her is gone.I will love her in my way forever but always in the past tense.I wish her well in my mind , and I hope her therapy works and that her and her two sons live as normal a life as they can.I also forgive her for the things she has done to me,and I forgive myself for equally having done things to her.No more contact has paid off already and honestly I’m doing both of us a favor I believe .Sometimes we tend to say things on this site like going no contact is the best thing for us,but I also believe we are helping them as well... .They are human beings after all and playing with their emotions isn’t any better than them playing with ours.

I will keep reading peoples posts on here of course and if I can help with words I will,if not I’ll just read the stories.I no longer need to understand everything that ever happened to me and xxxx, it’s not relevant to my healing process anymore.We are both safe and healthy physically and no collateral damage occurred in my case like a child ,House,assets,pets etc.Thankfully this was a huge lesson on where I was weak in character , but at the same time , I had some great times with her and I don’t regret those . Have a good week everyone .

[blooming]

Very glad to hear this Shawn! Do you have examples of posts/opinions from others that have helped you with making this change in mindset?

[lighthouse9]

Hey Shawn!

I'm pumped for you man.

Sounds like a lot of resolutions on your end. Have you thought about prioritizing them at all? I find that I can only keep 1-3 priorities at most when I'm trying to make big changes in my life. I also find that I need to have a way to keep accountability, like using a habit tracking app or a calendar to mark my progress, or like attending a group for accountability.

Would love to hear how you're going to keep yourself on track here, I see such great things for you!

[Shawnlam]

I was always a work out junky before it was my routine prior to my exGF.Everyday I’d jog and every second day weights.I have a calendar with my progress ,sets /reps,foods  and a check test every Friday for gains or losses.Getting back into that routine is easy,since I stopped drinking I’m feeling a lot less depressed so motivation is not hard.Plus I have friends I do this stuff with who would kick my as$ I deviate from it.The motorcycling is a pure stress relief and it’s more of an issue keeping me off of it than on it.My good friend in boxing is just training me like before it’s more a get in shape / boxing than anything else .For the rest I just take it day by day.Reading keeps my mind busy on stuff that counts , so while doing all these activities I’m pretty much not dwelling on the past and making myself better in many ways .The last 7 months were some of the most stressful for me in a long long while, need to break the pattern.

[Shawnlam]

Very glad to hear this Shawn! Do you have examples of posts/opinions from others that have helped you with making this change in mindset?

If you look at a lot of the moderators answers like skip ,once removed etc  to my posts when I wanted to get back together with my ex... .they have a knack for knowing what you are thinking versus what you are trying to give off as an impression.All in all what led me to be in a better place was simply asking myself (not telling myself ) what I wanted .I just said Shawn : can you change and do you want to? Can you live with who you need to become ? Can you live with anxiety and stress of not being you? That question I had to ask sober and concentrated ,after rereading their responses and suggestions, I decided  I couldn’t go further with her anymore ... .for both me and her it was a bad idea.