New to BPDfamily

[Bestfootforward]

I have a 24 year old son who has been struggling with mental illness for 15 years. Still don't see the more definitive characteristics of BPD such as fear of abandonment and the idealizing/demonizing of others but everything else sounds so very familiar. He has had tons of treatment for bipolar, depression, anxiety and in the course of that it has been mentioned that he had BPD traits. Almost as an off-hand remark. I have been so overwhelmed by his mood issues and inability to function that I did not pay much attention. But as he continues to be unable to make any progress and his manipulation is wearing me out on so many levels I am seriously opening myself to the possibility that BPD may be part of why he can not sustain any traction he does manage to get going. Thanks for listening and I am looking forward to learning from all of you!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[MomMae]

Hello Bestfootforward and welcome to the BPD Family forum!  I am very glad that you are here, but also very sorry for the circumstances that bring you.  You are in the right place to find oodles of support, empathy and understanding.  All of us here have walked a similar painful path with our own children, so please know you are not alone.

The best place to start learning is to peruse the resources and lessons on the right hand side of this page    You will find excellent information on how to best communicate with your son and how to change your approach if what you are doing now is not working.  Also, reading the experiences, stories and advice of others' posts on this site is enlightening and some of the best therapy you will find.  I know I personally found the validation of other parents to be very liberating in allowing me to move past self-doubt and guilt and start working on changing my approach with my BPD dd21.

Again, a warm welcome to you, Bestfootforward.  Please keep posting, share as much as you want, as often as you want - it really does help!  Looking forward to getting to know you,   MomMae

[Huat]

Hello Bestfootforward.  I join MomMae in welcoming you here.

I am so sorry to read that your son has been dealing with mental illness for the past 15 years.  I am sorry for you, too, because it has also been your journey.  

You write... ."he has had tons of treatment for bipolar, depression, anxiety... ."   Have you, yourself, ever had counselling to help you in dealing with his behaviours?  :)o you have any other support?

You have definitely come to the right place to help you along the way to better tomorrows.  The "tomorrows" may not end up being the ones you want but they can be better.  One of the main things is learning to look after YOU and that happens in babysteps.

I so urge you to take time to do your homework.  This website has so much info to get you started.  I echo MomMae's words... ."Please keep posting, share as much as you want, as often as you want - it really does help."

Once again... . welcome!

Huat

Huat

[Bestfootforward]

Thank you for the welcome! I have had much support over the years but it has been so long now I have stopped burdening my supports to the same degree. We are all tired of the lack of progress and moving into acceptance mode and trying to figure out what that looks like, what is needed going forward. I have been in counseling myself in the past to help deal with all of this and have started back up for a "tune-up". Online support has been so helpful in the past and I am grateful to have found this forum.

[Huat]

Glad you are here, Bestfootforward!

I hear when you write... ."I have stopped burdening my supports to the same degree."  I would sometimes imagine friends/relatives thinking... ."Oh no... .here she comes again!"  Maybe they were, maybe they weren't but so hard to talk to people who just don't know... .really have no inkling what it is like to walk in our shoes... .deal day-to-day with our "special" children.

Wonderful that you are going to counselling for a "tune-up."  Heaven knows we need to be heard.  We need to be validated.

What is so great about this forum is that you can come to it at any hour of the day/night.  You can write as much or as little as you like.  There are no interruptions when you are putting those fingers on the keyboard and pouring out your heart... .so cathartic.  There is no feeling of shame because, as you read the posts of others, you will see some stories worse than your own.  We are here to help each other.

Once again... .glad you are here.  Keep posting.

Huat