New diagnosis

[Conflictedlover]

Hello. I am rather new to all of this. I only found out a couple weeks ago that my girlfriend has BPD. I have been reading up on the disorder and how to better communicate with her. Specifically from the book stop walking on eggshells by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger. I have gained a lot of valuable information from the book and have learned a great deal. However, I find it very difficult to deal with the outbursts and blaming etc. she is seeing a therapist once a week and I know they will be working on ways for her to cope and recover in the ways that she can. But I feel very alone and unsure on wether or not I can handle this. When she becomes angry she is extremely mean she throws things and screams and calls me awful things. She’s told me I’m nothing and selfish and that I don’t care and I don’t love her. And even though I know she might not mean them I can’t change that they take a huge toll on me. I feel like I can’t talk to her because she will become defensive and angry with me. I also have depression and anxiety and I feel like I can’t have a bad day or at least tell her I’m having a bad day because that automatically makes her have one and then everything is about her again and I’m left to suffer in silence and alone. But if I tell her I feel like I can’t talk to her she just becomes upset and shuts down. I love her I do I just don’t know if I can personally handle this disorder and I don’t know how to figure that out. And then if I can’t handle it I will feel awful for leaving her and I just don’t know what to do. I am so overwhelmed and I feel so alone and I just don’t know what to do.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

And even though I know she might not mean them I can’t change that they take a huge toll on me. I feel like I can’t talk to her because she will become defensive and angry with me. I also have depression and anxiety and I feel like I can’t have a bad day or at least tell her I’m having a bad day because that automatically makes her have one and then everything is about her again and I’m left to suffer in silence and alone. But if I tell her I feel like I can’t talk to her she just becomes upset and shuts down. I love her I do I just don’t know if I can personally handle this disorder and I don’t know how to figure that out. And then if I can’t handle it I will feel awful for leaving her and I just don’t know what to do. I am so overwhelmed and I feel so alone and I just don’t know what to do.

Hi ConflictedLover,



Though it is over such difficult reasons, glad that you found us!

Oh my! I could relate very well to what you wrote above! That feeling that only one person gets to have their full emotional range, and it's not me. Ouch!

Well, since this all pretty new I suggest taking some time to read and sort this out. You don't need to make an immediate decision, I would guess.

I know I have fluctuated on this topic. There were times I felt willing to stay no matter what, and other days I just... .can't imagine going on like this. It's okay for us to have our feelings change like this... .You can talk about here with us any time! Okay?

I highly recommend taking a close read of the lessons to the right of the board here. 

Is she throwing things at you? What is the extent of the violence that it sounds like may be happening?

with compassion, pearl.

[Conflictedlover]

I will definitely take a look at those lessons, thanks! And sometimes they are thrown at me sometimes they are not. She has never hit me but she has come rather close.

[pearlsw]

Hi Conflictedlover,

Is she doing DBT therapy? Or just seeing a regular therapist?

How are you feeling about this news as it sinks in more and more?

warmly, pearl.

[Conflictedlover]

Hi Conflictedlover,

Is she doing DBT therapy? Or just seeing a regular therapist?

How are you feeling about this news as it sinks in more and more?

warmly, pearl.

She is just seeing a regular therapist I believe. DBT hasn’t been brought up. I think that it makes sense. And I see it more clearly in real life. I also feel very overwhelmed and frustrated at times and tired.