Need advice - abuse - potential divorce

[formflier]

 I pray every day for a morning where she isn't on my case about something.  

Max,

It's been a bit since I've thought about the "nuts and bolts" (tactical stuff) of how your r/s works.

For me... .boundaries have been my number 1 tool for "calming" my relationship.  I use that word "calming" since I get it... nothing is really fixed, yet I "frustrate" her ability to act out anymore.

Anyway... by and large I'm not available for a$$chewings anymore and there are a growing list of "issues" that I will only discuss in a therapists office.

She's not going to go to a T... so... .they don't get discussed and I do what I want.  Most of those are her wanting me to do something... give her access to something I took away... .

I also had to come to grips that she is a grouchy person (being polite)... .so there is a certain amount of grumping that I have to put up with, if it's not directed at me.

She kinda understands this now... .if she "personalizes" it... .I leave.  If she is grumping about lazy men... I ignore it.

Sometimes I "validate" how hard it must be for those women... and when I'm really ready to stir the pot I sort of "wonder outloud" how lucky we are not to deal with such issues in our r/s... . 

Anyway... .my gut tells me you are "putting up" with too much.  Hoping you can find a way to be less available to her for a$$ chewings.

Perhaps schedule " grump sessions"... .listen 10 minutes and the go for walk.

FF

[maxsterling]

Anyway... .my gut tells me you are "putting up" with too much.  Hoping you can find a way to be less available to her for a$$ chewings.

Perhaps schedule " grump sessions"... .listen 10 minutes and the go for walk.

FF

Well, that's my goal, and one that I have learned here.  Sitting and listening to that crap never solves anything.  It's the same complaints - every time.  She gets angry if I don't respond, and gets angrier if I try to respond by talking over me.  It's pointless.  Before kids, I'd go for the walk after 10 minutes.  This always after asking her to keep the discussion on topic.  Sometimes I would go for a walk and then have to go for a 2nd (longer) walk 10 minutes after getting home.  She thinks I am trying to control her mood.  I'm just refusing to listen to the crap. 

Now, with kids, she traps me in situations where leaving or going for a walk is not an easy option.  The other night I was feeding the kids.  I suppose I could have gotten up and let her feed the kids, but at that moment I felt I could nto trust her, and I felt like I would be abandoning the children.  I asked her to wait until the kids were done eating, she refused.  WHen it escalated, I left the room with the kids.   that's when she turned violent.  Or she may trap me at 11pm when I've been up since 5am after only 4 hours of sleep.  Or in the car.  ESPECIALLY IN THE CAR.  The one area where I think I can gain some peace is at work.  I can not answer the phone when she calls, because GUARANTEED she is calling because something upset her, and within 3 minutes, she is going to find a way to blame it on me and berate me over the phone - and then my work day is ruined as it will take an hour or two to calm back down and actually concentrate on my work.

[formflier]

Well... it's possible this is not "solvable", but  can only be made somewhat better.

Perhaps try:

1.  Ask her for the new information.
2.  Ask her for results of her past solutions

Basically... .keep driving it back to her.  If she wants to bit at or about you... .I wouldn't wait 10 minutes... .exit in less than a minute, while letter her know you will be available later.

With kids... .you were right to take them to other room.  If this happens again... what are your thoughts on calling the cops?

FF