My BPD fiance broke up with me and blocked me evrywhere

[Khawla]

I'm confused and mad.

My BPD fiance with NPD characterisics broke up with and blocked me everywhere. I couldn't reach him. It has been 1 month. He said i"m stupid because I couldn't speak in foreign language that I've learned for 5 years. He said he didn't need me anymore because I'm idiot and ugly. I brought no good for him an he said he believed he can find perfect girl. He also said he hoped me to die because I knew everything about him,  if i disappeared everything about me him can be hided." Then he blocked me. I was so shocked by his statement.

I've never betrayed him. I always stayed by his side through ups and down. I always make sure if he is fine. When he was child, he got physical abuse by his father. I often comforted him during his trauma. We are near to our marriage. But he just stopped it like that without feeling guilty at all.

He twisted the story to a girl that I did bad things to him. I've never did. And i've never tell his bad to others. But he posted false thing about me that I'm going to do suicide and he tagged me. But I forgave him because of his illness. Our online friend who just becomes his new girlfriend told me that I lost his trust. It's truly unfair. I've never betrayed him. But he's the one who betrayed me more that 7 times. But I forgave him because he said he was lonely and almost suicide. We were having long distance relationship. Sometimes i stayed in his country 3 to 6 months to take care of him. And sometimes he came to stay with my parents 1 month.

I really feel hurted by what he said to his new girlfriend about me. I keep thinking what did I do. I keep thinking am I worst. Why did he treat me like I 'm his enemy. It's so cruel. I need his explaination. But he doesn't give me any chance to talk. I feel I want to do revenge but I don't want to be evil.

I've never regarded BPD as evil or bad. I always see you guys as special one. But what he did was really unacceptable. We have been 3 years together. I wanted to text him by using my sister numbers, but worry if the situation will be worst and will push him more. I'm confusing and still seeking for the reasons/explaination from him.

Hope you could help.
Sorry for my english.

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[pearlsw]

Hi Kwhala,

Just a quick reply for now... .

Your English is just fine! No worries! You write and use it very well! None of the mean things he said are true, okay?

Revenge is never a good idea. Put that out of your head. We can help you understand better what happened... .as much as possible. Some things are just unknowable though, and that is okay too, we can get to acceptance with that.

These behaviors can be painful and hard to understand. Sounds like you understand a bit already about depersonalizing.

How do you know what he said to his new girlfriend? Via social media or you know her?

with compassion, pearl.

[Khawla]

Thanks Pearl for your reply.

His new girlfriend screenshot the conversation and sent me. But I don't think he really loves her. Just to fill his loneliness. His new gf also told me that he will start to talk to me again if I understand that we have broke up. I sent him email to tell him that i understood and respect his decision. But no response from him. He's still blocking me. What should I do? Should I text him by using my sister's number? I want to check on him whether he is okay or not because big earthquake just happened in his country and he also has trauma of earthquake. I'm really worried about him especially when his character change to 3 years old child during the trauma. He could simply changed his characters according to request and situation. I feel really attached to his 3 years old character.

[pearlsw]

Hi Khwala,

I can only speak for myself, but I personally I would take a big step back if his new girlfriend was being his territorial about him.

That's a bummer because you were with him before, but a break is a break. I am so sorry!

I would not get into a habit of communicating with the new girlfriend. I would just communicate with him directly. But keep in mind she probably has a close eye on him about this and it looks like is trying to squeeze you out of the picture.

I know that is very hard when just one month later someone moves on so quickly. I feel like you hear that a lot on the boards here.

You are not the worst. Don't let them twist reality for you. You can come and talk to us about really happened and get the support you need from the community here, okay? You are not alone going through this!

I had a guy with BPD traits suddenly break up with me. I am not sure how soon I was "replaced" but... .in the end it does not matter. He's gone and my life went on to better things in time. It was extremely painful though! A real shock to my system. I can imagine after three years for him to leave and start up with someone else so fast is very, very difficult to experience. But just be ready, you may not ever get the answers. I never did. It made it harder to recover, but that is also because this site was probably not in existence back then. But it is here now and we can help you get through this!

with compassion, pearl.

[Khawla]

Thanks pearl!

2 days ago he unblocked my whatsapp contact and called me suddenly. But, the character who talked to me was his 3 years old child character. I'm confusing.What was his intention? He added my facebook but still blocking on messenger and instagram.

I don't know what to do. Is it normal for BPD person acts like that? Or he just tried to get my attention?

[pearlsw]

Hi Kwalha,

Sorry you are feeling confused!

So he talked to you, but was acting like a child? Did he want you to take him back? Or give him attention? Or forget everything he did? Or?

Are you talking again now, or he is still being distant?

There does tend a push/pull with BPD/BPD traits partners.

take care, pearl.

[Khawla]

Honestly I still love me him. But I'm not sure if he still love me too.
He only called me or replied my message when he was in child character.
But today he sent me message "Have you told about us to your parents?" I guess he was talking about our break up. One month ago he asked to tell my parents. But I didn't do because I knew he has unstable emotion.

I still don't reply his message because I'm not sure what is his intention now. If I said no, he might be angry to me because I didn't do like he asked me to do. If I said yes, he might feel sad if he has the thought that he still loves me. I'm not sure tho. I've never talked clearly with my parents about the break up but they knew that he had blocked me for 1 month. But they didn't take it seriously.

I need your help how can I reply to his question and handle this situation. I'm worried if my answer will hurt him.

Thanks pearl!

[Khawla]

And he just now he just sent message like this.
"I know you got someone in your mind now. Just let it go. I won't come back."

What I understand about BPD is they can't be honest to their feeling. Like I hate you, don't leave me.

But in my situation, i'm not sure why he said such thing. Does he really don't want me? Or he just want to make sure I don't have anyone in my mind except him?

[Khawla]

And he just now he just sent message like this.
"I know you got someone in your mind now. Don't think about me. Just let it go. I won't come back."

What I understand about BPD is they can't be honest to their feeling. Like I hate you, don't leave me.

But in my situation, i'm not sure why he said such thing. Does he really don't want me? Or he just want to make sure I don't have anyone in my mind except him?

Please ignore the previous message. I don't know how to delete.

Hope you could help to handle this. Thanks pearl!

[pearlsw]

And he just now he just sent message like this.
"I know you got someone in your mind now. Don't think about me. Just let it go. I won't come back."

What I understand about BPD is they can't be honest to their feeling. Like I hate you, don't leave me.

But in my situation, i'm not sure why he said such thing. Does he really don't want me? Or he just want to make sure I don't have anyone in my mind except him?

Please ignore the previous message. I don't know how to delete.

Hope you could help to handle this. Thanks pearl!

Hi Khawla,

It is hard for me or any of us to say for sure! I hope others will join us here though to talk this and other issues over with you!

I can say that my current partner has said many such things to me and insists he did not mean them, but also would say that he did. So, it was both! He just is not clear in his mind at times. He might tell me one time it was a test of me, him pushing me away to see if I'd stay or come back to him. It is all quite confusing and uncertain. But in the moment he seems to mean it.

The only part you can control is you. How do you feel and what do you want at this time?

In terms of replying I might tell him how I felt, once, short and to the point, and let him know he could still contact me, if I wanted that and then just focus on myself. Perhaps others would approach it differently!

take good care, pearl.