Struggling to believe anything that is being said

[Furbaby Mom]

Hello all,
I have written on here many times about my sisters-in-law.  One has been diagnosed, I refer to her as SIL 1 and the other has traits SIL 2.  After a lot of drama around me marrying their brother, many ups and downs, many stints of no contact, we are in the midst of minimal contact with SIL 2 and no contact with SIL 1. 

SIL 1 cut off her entire family.  She blocked everyone in a fit of rage and during that rage, she said some horrible things about mostly the women in the family, myself included.  This was by far not the first time I was the subject of her rage, but this was the worst mostly because I am accepted by the family and she perceives me taking her place (we got married about 2 years ago so this perception was built over a few years).  Of course I have not taken her place and the reason her family was mad at her was purely because of her behavior and her words.  Regardless, ALL of us blocked her in an attempt to have no contact on our terms.  We are still on speaking terms with her boyfriend, have his phone number, social media, etc. if she needed to reach us, she could.

It has been a while since we had communication with her.  We saw her at a funeral and she ignored me, but spoke to my husband her brother.  We then saw her at a family get together and she was oddly and kind of creepily VERY sweet and nice to me and my husband.  I thought she would take that event as an opening to come back into our lives, but we didn't hear anything from her. 

Today, her boyfriend reached out to my husband via social media.  He stated that SIL 1 is going to have surgery for endometriosis and will have a hysterectomy and possibly has cancer.  Obviously, these are all very big deals.  My issue is that the week before our wedding SIL 1 (about 2 years ago) told me she would probably be in a wheel chair for the wedding because she has endometriosis and is having surgery.  My FIL told me that he took her years ago to have a hysterectomy because she had cancer.  I figured maybe he didn't know what procedure she was having.

She did not have surgery and was fine at the wedding.  We didn't hear a single thing about endometriosis since then.  She has in fact talked about wanting to have kids and all with this current boyfriend.  Now, the endometriosis is "getting worse" and she may have cancer. 

I feel so sick to say this, but I don't know if I believe her.  One, it's not even her who is telling us.  Two, she used this before and nothing came of it.  Three, she has used many illnesses in the past as a way of getting attention. 

I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else has gone through this.  What is the best course of action for us to take if we are not on speaking terms with her and we may not know what the truth is?

[Panda39]

Hi Furbaby,

My suggestion is wait and see.  You don't have to act now.  Wait and see if more information surfaces.

A hysterectomy for endometriosis is common (I've been there done that) it could even be done laparoscopically (minimally invasive) or it can be an abdominal surgery.  This part of the story is believable to me.  Yes there can be complications with any surgery but this is not likely to be a huge deal.

The "might have cancer" I'm skeptical here as it sounds like you are. 

Wait and see what else surfaces in terms of this story.

Panda39

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Furbaby, 

Good to hear an update from you. 

I think it can be pretty hard to know what to believe, just as you mentioned. Often a pwBPD self sooths in ways that we would think odd, and one of those ways may be to exaggerate or be dramatic about illnesses in order to get attention. I've heard other members post about family members with BPD traits who act similarly.

My uBPDm used to be almost a hypochondriac. My siblings and I never quite knew when she was really sick and when she wasn't. I think Panda's advice is good, to wait and see. It can save you a whole lot of anxiety.

Wools