our son has been diagnosed with BPD

[anafili]

Hello

Our son, who is 28 has been finally diagnosed with BPD.  We have been seeing the changes and disorder since he was about 13.  We have sent him away to different programs for depression before he turned 18.  But no one ever diagnosed him correctly until now.  In reading  about the disease it confirms to us that we have finally found the source of his problem.  But he refuses to accept treatment or take medication.  He totally relies on my support his mother.  It is exhausting!  He wants constant re-asurance, and I try but it is a vicious cycle we can't stop.  I need to slow it down and its very hard.  Can someone help me?  Can someone help me guide him?  His problem is not changing from one person to another.  He focuses on one girl, idiolices her and thinks of no one else, looks at no one else and must convince her to be with him.

Thank you

Anafili

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi Anafili and welcome to the board.  I am glad you found us but sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.  You will find a lot of support and comfort from others who post on this board so you are definitely in the right place. 

What sort of support do you have?  Does your son live with you?  Have you had a chance to look at the links listed on the right side of the page?  I think you would benefit by reading through them, especially the Tools which discuss communication strategies that can help you improve communication with your son.  I don't mean that you are doing anything wrong, but a lot of times you have to change the way you would normally converse with someone when talking to a pwBPD (person with BPD).  It is not always intuitive.

Again, I am glad you posted and i do want to assure you that things can improve.  I hope you continue to post in both your own threads and others.  By doing so, not only do you get great feedback and a compassionate ear, but you can build a sense of community and have a support network here as well.  Don't underestimate the benefit of posting in a community like this.

[Lollypop]

  anafili

I just wanted to say hello and welcome you to the forum. I’m glad to meet you but sorry to hear about your troubles.  My son was diagnosed at 24 (he’s now 27) and things greatly improved once I started to change my approach. I got back to basics, learning a new way to communicate with him and he responded well to me.  My son also refused treatment and the best way I could look at it was - unless he is ready and committed to treatment then it won’t work.

Harri gives great advice!  Read up on BPD first, it will help you and ultimately your son.  

LP