He's a BPD step parent: We could never enjoy family time with his tantrums

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone!  I have been in a relationship with my BPD partner for two 1/2 years now with 4 breakups, this last breakup I moved out on my own.  There is a very good reason why I left, I have 3 kids not his, two are older and on their own and my youngest is 10 and lives with me.  We could never enjoy family time because as soon as my older two kids and grandkids would show up he turned into a child and threw tantrums and he always tried to pull me away from them whenever I would try to conversate or interact with them.  He would get so bad that he would yell,, stomp, throw a fit, slam doors etc. In the beginning I thought what have I gotten myself into but then thought he is so loyal, hard worker, takes care of me and I am so in love with him.  At first I thought he was jealous of me being around my kids but just a few weeks ago after researching BPD I now see he felt abandoned.  He has been seeing a counselor for a year now and it wasn't helping because of misdiagnosis.  He now has his assessment scheduled to start DBT Therapy.  Right now I am afraid to tell my kids and family that we are talking again, they may think I am making excuses for his behavior.

[tgthr4evr]

Hi everyone!  I have been in a relationship with my BPD partner for two 1/2 years now with 4 breakups, this last breakup I moved out on my own.  There is a very good reason why I left, I have 3 kids not his, two are older and on their own and my youngest is 10 and lives with me.  We could never enjoy family time because as soon as my older two kids and grandkids would show up he turned into a child and threw tantrums and he always tried to pull me away from them whenever I would try to conversate or interact with them.  He would get so bad that he would yell,, stomp, throw a fit, slam doors etc. In the beginning I thought what have I gotten myself into but then thought he is so loyal, hard worker, takes care of me and I am so in love with him.  At first I thought he was jealous of me being around my kids but just a few weeks ago after researching BPD I now see he felt abandoned.  He has been seeing a counselor for a year now and it wasn't helping because of misdiagnosis.  He now has his assessment scheduled to start DBT Therapy.  Right now I am afraid to tell my kids and family that we are talking again, they may think I am making excuses for his behavior.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RolandOfEld]

Hi tgthr4ever and welcome!   Very happy you found us.

It's great news that your partner is entering DBT. Not many people seem to get that far.

I can understand being nervous about sharing with family, since not everyone understands mental illnesses like BPD very well. I'm lucky that my family has been pretty understanding about it since I discussed with them what was happening with my wife (it only took me about 10 years to work up the nerve).

But having a support network  is really vital to facing this sort of situation. How do you visualize your family responding, and how would you explain in response? Maybe you can practice a bit here.

Sending you strength,
RolandOfEld