Keep seeing pictures of him, which sets me back every time

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

My ex and I were both members of a rowing association (he isn't anymore, I still am) and in a few weeks there will be a promotion week for that association to get new members. For this we have posters ands leaflets and a promotion film. My ex is futured on one of the posters and is also the main character of the promotion film. This is simply because he's a very attractive guy, which attracts more new members.

I find it so hard to see his face time and time again. I hate it. Every time it hurts so bad. All the bad memories, all the hurting, all the unbearable sadness, it all comes back full force. And I think it's kind of wrong that he's featured so much, since he hates the rowing association now. Which is really hypocritical because all his friends he knows from there, but he absolutely detests the place and pretty much all of its members. Because of him I almost quit too, I quit all committees I did there for him and and I quit rowing for him. This is something I regret a lot, but I can't go back. But I don't think someone that thinks of the association in this way is worthy of being on the posters and the films.

And it also just hurts seeing his beautiful face again and knowing that he's no longer mine and that he probably already has a new girlfriend (luckily I don't know who).

I haven't talked to him in over a month and I know that's better and I don't even want him to contact me because it would only hurt me and I would be scared that he'd be mean again, but it's still difficult.

I'm really not doing well lately. Depression is really kicking in. I'm going on holiday for 3 weeks now, but afterwards I already have an appointment to talk about maybe going in treatment with a psychotherapist, because a normal psychologist doesn't seem to work (have been in treatment there on and off for over 5 years with my self esteem issues).

[blooming]

My ex and I were both members of a rowing association (he isn't anymore, I still am) and in a few weeks there will be a promotion week for that association to get new members. For this we have posters ands leaflets and a promotion film. My ex is futured on one of the posters and is also the main character of the promotion film. This is simply because he's a very attractive guy, which attracts more new members.

I find it so hard to see his face time and time again. I hate it. Every time it hurts so bad. All the bad memories, all the hurting, all the unbearable sadness, it all comes back full force. And I think it's kind of wrong that he's featured so much, since he hates the rowing association now. Which is really hypocritical because all his friends he knows from there, but he absolutely detests the place and pretty much all of its members. Because of him I almost quit too, I quit all committees I did there for him and and I quit rowing for him. This is something I regret a lot, but I can't go back. But I don't think someone that thinks of the association in this way is worthy of being on the posters and the films.

And it also just hurts seeing his beautiful face again and knowing that he's no longer mine and that he probably already has a new girlfriend (luckily I don't know who).

I haven't talked to him in over a month and I know that's better and I don't even want him to contact me because it would only hurt me and I would be scared that he'd be mean again, but it's still difficult.

I'm really not doing well lately. Depression is really kicking in. I'm going on holiday for 3 weeks now, but afterwards I already have an appointment to talk about maybe going in treatment with a psychotherapist, because a normal psychologist doesn't seem to work (have been in treatment there on and off for over 5 years with my self esteem issues).

[Mustbeabetterway]

Blooming, I can only imagine how excruciating seeing his picture plastered around must be.  It’s so difficult getting past attachments.  Even when we realize they are no longer  healthy for us.  Doubled with the hypocrisy of using him as a sort of poster boy - wow I am sure that does  compound the hurtful feelings and sort of outrage.

At Father’s Day, our daughter asked me to look through photo albums that I have to find pictures of she and her dad.  This really brought forth some hurtful emotions.  Seeing him in happier times was difficult.  I allowed myself to cry and I think actually sitting with those emotions and processing through them allowed me to detach a little more.

Maybe a holiday - are you getting out of town?  Where you aren’t faced with seeing the hurtful pictures, etc.  can be sort of a reset.

Do you see it as progress that you don’t want to hear from him?  It sounds like a good sign moving forward.

If you don’t mind sharing again, specifically what self esteem issues are you working on?  I would like to be supportive and knowing specifics can help us to support you in developing a healthier self esteem.

Peace and blessings,

Mustbe

[Cromwell]

If you see a poster up somewhere, just tear it down and throw it in the trash.

You have to stop fantasising about him, good looking or not - just consign him to history. There are other equally and better looking guys out there but you wont find them if still harbouring these thoughts for him.

Im sorry your having a hard time about this, the quicker you discard him or any thoughts about what he is up to (become indifferent) and focus on how your own life should go, the less hurtful this will be. Be ruthless, dont let the past hold you back there is no value in musing about him anymore, he had his chance and failed. The prior girlfriend started to lose her hair, you went through hurt and torment and did nothing to provoke any of it, do you think the next one will fair any better?

I highly doubt it.

[Mutt]

Hi Blooming,

My ex is futured on one of the posters and is also the main character of the promotion film. This is simply because he's a very attractive guy, which attracts more new members.

I'm sorry that you're going through this  I can understand how excruciating it would feel to see your ex on leaflets and on film. This is painful and I can also understand that you're going to stay in the association how long is a rowing season? You feel this way this season you'll probably feel differently by next season.

[Mustbeabetterway]

Hey Blooming, do you enjoy rowing?  Is there a reason you cannot go back?

Mustbe

[Harley Quinn]

Hi blooming,

I'm hoping you're away on holiday and having a relaxing time.  Do let us know how you're doing when you're free.  I'm wondering if you've spoken to your doctor about the depression and whether they are being supportive in helping you to find the right treatment?  If we don't hear from you for a while then I hope that is because you're doing things which are making you feel much better.

Thinking of you. 

Love and light x

[blooming]

Blooming, I can only imagine how excruciating seeing his picture plastered around must be.  It’s so difficult getting past attachments.  Even when we realize they are no longer  healthy for us.  Doubled with the hypocrisy of using him as a sort of poster boy - wow I am sure that does  compound the hurtful feelings and sort of outrage.

At Father’s Day, our daughter asked me to look through photo albums that I have to find pictures of she and her dad.  This really brought forth some hurtful emotions.  Seeing him in happier times was difficult.  I allowed myself to cry and I think actually sitting with those emotions and processing through them allowed me to detach a little more.

Maybe a holiday - are you getting out of town?  Where you aren’t faced with seeing the hurtful pictures, etc.  can be sort of a reset.

Do you see it as progress that you don’t want to hear from him?  It sounds like a good sign moving forward.

If you don’t mind sharing again, specifically what self esteem issues are you working on?  I would like to be supportive and knowing specifics can help us to support you in developing a healthier self esteem.

Peace and blessings,

Mustbe

It is nice to be out of town and to be absolutely vertaling that I won’t bump into him or see photo’s of him, but it isn’t as freeing as I hoped it would be unfortunately. He is on my mind a lot here, more than at home because there’s less distractions here and I’m away with my family and can’t really discuss it with them. I hope that it’ll get better again, because these last 3 days have been really hard. I feel very sad and empty.

Yes I think that not wanting to hear from him is progress. It means that I’m realising finally that I don’t want him in my life and that he won’t make me happy or bring me any good. Contact with him would only bring me pain and I would also find it painful to tell him that I’m still feeling so awful. I don’t want to give him the pleasure of that. Because he’s been over me for a long time already. He was already over me in those last 6 months where we kept trying again.

As long as I can remember I’ve had self esteem issues. I’ve had anorexia nervosa for 3 years because of it, but have luckily recovered from that. In my first 7 months with my ex my self esteem was better than ever. I could sometimes appreciate my body or the person I was because someone I held so high in regard admired and loved me. But he broke my self esteem down again with all the pushing and pulling. I have never felt as low about myself as he has made me feel. I detest myself. I blame myself constantly. I keep thinking about all the ways in which I failed him and wasn’t Good enough. I keep comparing all my flaws with pretty girls I see, wondering if he’s dating them now.

I was in therapy for 3,5  years during and in the after care of my eating disorder and starten therapy again at the end of 2017 to work on my self esteem and confidence, but in the end therapy was mostly about my ex and how he was teeating me and things I found out (his last ‘pull’ was in May and our last real attempt at a relationship was in april, so all quite recent). After summer holidays I plan on starting therapy again.

[blooming]

If you see a poster up somewhere, just tear it down and throw it in the trash.

You have to stop fantasising about him, good looking or not - just consign him to history. There are other equally and better looking guys out there but you wont find them if still harbouring these thoughts for him.

Im sorry your having a hard time about this, the quicker you discard him or any thoughts about what he is up to (become indifferent) and focus on how your own life should go, the less hurtful this will be. Be ruthless, dont let the past hold you back there is no value in musing about him anymore, he had his chance and failed. The prior girlfriend started to lose her hair, you went through hurt and torment and did nothing to provoke any of it, do you think the next one will fair any better?

I highly doubt it.

Haha, I’ll do that.

You are right of course. But how do I stop doing that? My mind just keeps wandering of. I think what makes it more difficult is that this was my first love, my first everything, so I don’t have the assurance of knowing that there will be another, that I can fall in love again.

I also keep fantasing about him with his new girlfriend (although I don’t even know if he has one, I just assume he does because I know him). There was this girl who was suddenly liking all his activity on Strava and I followed her on instagram with my secret account and she posted a picture yesterday of herself on holiday in a romantic setting and you could see part of someone else’s knee and now I keep torturing myself, thinking he’s with her, thinking they WILL make it work.

I love you for saying that Cromwell. Thank you. I need more peptalks like that. I just don’t know how to get my mind of him. How to get him of that pedestal.

[blooming]

Hi Blooming,

I'm sorry that you're going through this  I can understand how excruciating it would feel to see your ex on leaflets and on film. This is painful and I can also understand that you're going to stay in the association how long is a rowing season? You feel this way this season you'll probably feel differently by next season.

A season lasts the entire academic year unfortunately.

I really hope you’re right and that I’ll feel better. I can’t wait. I want to be over him so badly. My biggest wish at the moment is to not care anymore about him and what he does with his life. I want to be free again. I want my life and my thoughts to be mine again.

[blooming]

Hey Blooming, do you enjoy rowing?  Is there a reason you cannot go back?

Mustbe

I enjoyed it very much, but I think too much has happened now to enjoy it again like I used to. Also, I rowed varsity which means a loot of training and I can’t go back to that because I have missen too much and am behind on my peers. So that’s the reason I guess. It sucks, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

[blooming]

Hi blooming,

I'm hoping you're away on holiday and having a relaxing time.  Do let us know how you're doing when you're free.  I'm wondering if you've spoken to your doctor about the depression and whether they are being supportive in helping you to find the right treatment?  If we don't hear from you for a while then I hope that is because you're doing things which are making you feel much better.

Thinking of you. 

Love and light x

Hi HQ!

I’m not doing very wel unfortunately. I hoped I would feel better on holiday, but even though I’m surrounded by my family all the time, I feel very lonely.

I’ll see my doctor on the 20th of August (she was on holiday while I was home and now she’s working again I’m on holiday so this was the first possible option). I really hope she’ll be supportive and think with me to find a solution.

[Mustbeabetterway]

Blooming,

  I admire your strength.  It takes a strong person to fade the difficulties you have faced and find solutions.  I believe you are going to get through this and continue to grow.  You have to believe it, too! 

Peace and blessings,

Mustbe