Looking for support: feel so alone, like I'm drowning

[MtMama]

Here is the back story.  My wife is recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder through her own therapist, but my therapist thinks it is more BPD. Either way, she was on medicine that seems to help level her out and for a little bit, all was good.  Now let me go back to say that she had a rough childhood with a bipolar alcoholic mother and abusive step-father and has history of self-harm.  

Back to current time, she is off her medicine because she is 7 months pregnant.  No medicine and pregnancy hormones, it has not been a walk in the park.  Lately we have just struggled with constant fighting and conflict and she has expressed that she has strong suicidal thoughts.

I have my therapist but I feel so alone in this journey.  I really want to be supportive to her and her situation because I am sure that it is not fun for her, but I am drowning in the meantime.  

Thanks for reading.  I don't even know what I need right now, but I just know that I need to reach out to people dealing with a similar situation.

Best to all.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi MtMama,



Sorry you are feeling so alone at this very stressful time with her off her meds and her hormones being even more in flux than typical.

So just a little while longer to your baby will be here! How exciting! How is your SO handling the anticipation of that? Do her doctors know she is feeling suicidal?

My SO has been suicidal in the past months and that is painful and scary enough as it is, but when I think of someone being pregnant and expressing such ideas that really shakes me. Does she have contact with other expecting mothers, things to keep her busy and focused on the future?

You are not alone! We are here! Keep posting and sharing, and replying to others as well and they will be able to follow your journey and offer support. It takes time, but if you help us get to know you, post by post, it will happen. 

Keeping the focus on you, what would make you feel better? What small or big things might bring you some personal happiness this week?

wishing you peace, pearl.

[Chosen]

Hi MtMama,

Welcome to the board which nobody really wants to be on... .but at least you'll find us who is in a similar predicament here!  Talk to us, hear our stories... .it helps me feel less alone, particularly since I have no access to therapy, and nobody in real life to talk to regarding BPD.

Pregnancy and the impending arrival of a new family member is a very stressful thing for the whole family, BPD or not.  And for pwBPDs with intense emotions, this is even scarier.  When I was pregnant, I was worried and anxious already, but my uBPDh would dysregulate more because I guess he was really anxious too, but he didn't know how to express them or channel them in a healthy manner.

You mentioned that you feel like you're drowning.  I can visualise this feeling, and I have felt similarly before.  And when you're drowning, you can't save other drowning people; you have to first take care of yourself, so that you can be emotionally stronger to be there for your wife.  Also, pearlsw has raised some good questions- does anybody else know that she is feeling suicidal?  Is she reaching out to others, or do you think you can encourage her to reach out to others, maybe her doctor?

[Woodchuck]

MtMama-
Welcome!  You will find a lot of support here as well as tools to help you grow and learn how to communicate and cope.  This is also a good place to vent without fear of attack and learn from other's stories.  Take time to learn about how to be validating and using SET as well as avoiding JADE.  I have only been a member here for a matter of weeks but it has had a huge impact on me.  My W and I have been married 18+ years and I would have loved to have been aware of these tools years ago.  They do make a huge difference.  For me, they have had a very calming and self empowering effect.  Ask lots of questions and read posts as you have time.  We all have similar stories, at least in part.  I am sure there are many people here that know exactly what you are going through.  Make sure to take time to take care of you.  Doing this will really help you with dealing with the conflict at home. 

WC