Looking for advice on dealing with suicidal threats

[mom2ela]

I am looking for any advice on dealing with suicidal threats. Our 18 year old son does not want to go back to the hospital. He calls and says things are going to end if we don't let him move back in our home. He gives very vague information. I have asked him if he is suicidal and he says its non of my business. I have alerted the place that he is staying. As a parent, I just don't know how to cope with this. I'm terrified that he will follow through. However, its just as likely that he is trying to manipulate us into doing what he wants.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi mom2ela

Dealing with suicidal threats isn't easy. Even when we think the person might not actually want to take their own life, engaging in suicidal threats and gestures is still a very dangerous thing to do. I am very sorry you are dealing with this.

When you first joined our site you talked about how your son was formally diagnosed with BPD yet unfortunately got removed from DBT and residential treatment did not help very much. You did say back then that you were starting a new DBT group, how did that work out?

Where is your son currently staying?

You say he does not want to go back to the hospital, for what was he in the hospital before? Also for his suicidal ideation?

We have some resources here that might help you better deal with your son's threats:
Dealing with suicidal ideation in others

Take care

The Board Parrot

[mom2ela]

Kwamina, Unfortunately, he dropped out of the second DBT program. He is now living in a youth shelter since he is almost 19. It was no longer safe for him to live in our home. He was hospitalized for a previous suicide attempt.

I tried to remain calm and tell him that I hoped he would reach out to someone if he was suicidal. He assured me that he would not reach out if he was.

It so difficult not knowing if they actually plan to take their life. He kept replying then blocking me. Then if I wouldn't reply, he said that he was reaching out to me and I was not available to him. So difficult when to end a conversation. I want him to know that I'm always there but I have boundaries as to how I need to be treated.

[Feeling Better]

Hello mom2ela

I really feel for you in this horrible situation that your son has put you in, it must be dreadful not knowing whether you are being manipulated by his suicide threats or whether they are actually real.

I’m wondering, have you tried using S.E.T. (Support, Empathy, Truth) when communicating with him? You can find that under the TOOLS heading on the right 

Another thing that crossed my mind that you might find useful is FOG, quite often this is used when a pwBPD is being manipulative and may even use suicide as the ultimate threat. Just click on the link below:

Emotional Blackmail:Fear, Obligation, Guilt (FOG)

Look forward to hearing more from you x