In January my wife overdosed on her medications and drank heavily during the day. We were arguing the evening before and the morning after we tried to resolve the argument and she said she needed some space and time to think. She was going to the park to read. I did not hear from her for hours, then she finally came home almost incoherent and smelling of alcohol. I tried to keep things light so I could keep her home, safe and get her to sleep. I went to the bathroom and she flew out of the house into her car. She nearly ran me over as I tried to stop her. She left and I called everyone I could think of that she would talk to other than me to find her when finally my boss texted saying she was at her house and acting strange and wanting to spend some time with the children I nanny. We combined forces and got her home safely as to which I called an ambulance because by this time she was threatening suicide and my previous family had called to say she also was asking to stop over and see the kids. She went to CPEP for the night and had a BAC of 4.0. Upon finding her medications she had taken close to 30 pills on top of the alcohol. The entire experience was a nightmare to say the least. The next day I frantically called places to get her a same day appointment with a behavioral therapist. We went together and by the end of the time spent there she was easily diagnosed.
Kobiee my heart really goes out to you. Drinking has always been a big part of my wife's disorder but never to the degree you described. And the fact that it came over to your work, that's just horrible.
My guess is that this was your "watershed event". I think we all have one, that episode that's just reality bending in how awful it is and makes us face the full gravity of the situation. Some good usually comes from these events but the emotional toll is very heavy.
Since your wife's problem has interfered with your work (your livelihood) my first suggestion would be to cordon off as much of your life as possible from your wife's disordered behavior. I don't know how much your boss gleaned from this episode but you might do best to explain about her condition and how you will do your best to not let it effect your work again. I did this recently when my company wanted to send me to the UK on a biz trip but I was too anxious about what might happen. I opened up to my director and it felt much better to be honest instead of making up excuses like I did at my last job. I am also honest about when I need to make doctors appointments and things like that. Better they know the truth than think I'm weird.
As for myself, I spend my days trying to keep her alive and safe. Healthy and happy.
Kobiee, you are clearly a truly caring and compassionate person. But I must say the only possible way you can do the above is if you are the above yourself, namely alive, safe, happy, and healthy. If you are not, then taking care of her will be the equivalent of trying to carry her with broken legs. In the end
both of you will collapse.
At some point your wife will have to take some degree of responsibility for her condition. I help my wife by staying educated, supportive, and accommodating her unique way of communicating where I can. But everything else, namely taking her medication, seeing the therapist, and working on her behavior, is all on her.
Seconding pearls' suggestion that you will absolutely need some kind of a support system, your mother being an excellent start. Besides emotional support, in what ways do you think she can help?
~ROE
