Does partner have BPD? He has traits, but doesn't self harm, etc.

[Healthymind]

He has traits of BPD but does not self harm or threaten suicide. He is a compulsive eater. He is only passive aggressive but not directly aggressive? Does this exclude a BPD diagnosis?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi HealthyMind,



Have you seen a list of the criteria for BPD? A person can have less than the threshold to met a diagnosis, but still be quite difficult to be in a relationship with I'm afraid.

Which traits does he have aside from the self harm and suicidal threats?

What makes you suspect BPD or BPD traits?

wishing you the best, pearl.

[pearlsw]

Hi again,  

I'm back with a link to something that can help you get a better idea if this might be BPD:

Is it BPD?

best, pearl.

[Healthymind]

Hi again,  

I'm back with a link to something that can help you get a better idea if this might be BPD:

Is it BPD?

best, pearl.

Hello Pearl, your help is much apreciated!
Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. =>Yes, during our 10 year relationship he has had a huge fear of abandonement. His symptoms flared when we were appart (never more than 3 weeks) like compulsive eating, self loathing and cheating or joining a swinger website.
A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.=> this not so much, he has idealised me for the last 10 years. He has no real friendships and spends all his time with me.
Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.=> copies everything I do. For example orders the same foods as me in restaurants, did an online course when I did, asks for my opinion on everything.
Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex,substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Used to binge eat, but less so now, used to compulsively treat himself to expensive food to binge on, especially as a passive agressive
Sorry. It's late now, I will continue tomorrow... .

[an0ught]

Hi HM,

one useful way to look at BPD is to see it as an emotion regulation inability. When emotions are high we all become a bit irrational. The vexing thing with pwBPD can be that emotions may be stuck somewhere, jumping around like crazy or being beyond normal extremes. In addition the behavior is adding to the fire doing often the exactly wrong thing.

That results in a wide spectrum of behavior but it also provides us a few levers to support our partner and also know when we better take a step back and let things play out.

Welcome,
a0