what is it that made the "good" days good exactly?

[Cromwell]

Having a hard time convincing myself anymore that I miss the "good" days with my ex.

Its not the easiest thing to emphathise with others either. I see it often here, its hard to relate to, very subjective.

What helped to detach was some of the last round of texts my ex said, not having anything new to talk about, I got a lot of 'happy' nostalgia, but what struck me the most was her reminding me of specific times together which she then summarised as "those were the best times".

Maybe it took 8 months head space apart for me to recognise that whilst I might have found some "joy" on those days, there was nothing "good" or "best" about them.

How can, beyond self-delusion, carry around so much deep pain and repressed anger, and constitute any day being "good" with the person who was the source of embedding them in.

The "good" times, for me, became the days that she was gone, the "best" days have been more recent, the absence of that deep pain and anger. It took time and a lot of work to it, not something that a bit of joy could sticky plaster over and masquerade as "good".

I then texted her back to tell her that those werent the best days, I instead illustrated graphically the sex we had in the 3 months prior to her antics. No reply. Let her work that one out for herself.

I spent too long with someone who over time, sucked the sunshine out of my days, but then had the gall to tell me she "knew me" and "those were the best times".

ive never met anyone so self-absored, ego-centric and entirely selfish.

the first text she sent after we got back in contact was "Im having a bad day"... .so was I, up until then.

My "best day" was changing my sim card for the last time.

So im fortunate to detach all the easier, there are no "good days" to miss, prior to the first 3 months, and those in hindsight were "didnt know any better" days.

Painful revelation in itself; but at the same time a useful one. Once the Fog  of BS eventually lifts, the real hard work only began to start.

Ill be more careful in the future what I label as "good", its too vague, but at the same time emotionally powerful once assigned.

Missing anything of the past is missing out on seizing the potential of today. With that in place, all the bad days go away with it. I hope if she ever feels the need to look back on those "best times" that I got the message across, the feeling wasnt mutual.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Cromwell, I suggest you shift the focus back to yourself and your needs.  To me, her feelings about the past are immaterial to your forward progress.  What would you like to see happen?  What is the best path for you?

LJ

[XSurvivorX]

I spent too long with someone who over time, sucked the sunshine out of my days, but then had the gall to tell me she "knew me" and "those were the best times".

X marks the spot, Cromwell! This is so poignant and, frankly, reminds me of my own initial year after my separation / divorce.  "I know you... ."  I've heard that line before, too.  I think its real easy for us to kid ourselves into a number of situations, convince ourselves at the time that it indeed was actually 'good' instead of jacked-up, or messed-up, or silly (or pure craziness). She "knows" me.  Pfft - yeah, because I told you some of my most inner desires and fears and you used those against me.  She may have known you, or a version of you.  But she certainy doesn’t "know" the you that is now stronger, wiser and more capable than seeing through her than ever before. Nor does she deserve to

My "best day" was changing my sim card for the last time.

Rock-on, mate.  Rock. On.

I hope if she ever feels the need to look back on those "best times" that I got the message across, the feeling wasnt mutual.

Eh, in my experience unless they really make some serious strides in their own life, they most likely will keep on believing that was good for them at the time was also good for you (because they say that it was).  In her memory she may have still have control over this past you, her memory of you.  But no - it sure doesn't have to make it true or even accurate.  Looking back, my "good" times really were only good because I was love/sex-bombed.  Everythign else associated with that was abysmal. 

Good reflections!

[Cromwell]

Hi LuckyJim

you are right, I just felt i wanted to share because if I had taken this perception earlier, it would have helped detach. Thank you though, i do conciously focus a lot more on my own life and its made big strides since I did.

XsurvivorX, for some reason im not surprised that you also got the "i know you", she said it a few times, it was a bit unnerving since the first time she knew me a matter of less than a month.

Its not really worth pondering over, nothing much is these days, thanks for your post and wishing you well that you will soon also get your life towards happier times, by that i mean, genuine happiness with a genuine person rather than what for me at least, feels too much like it had been a theatrical stage play she performed.

Also thanks for that insight into how she perceived it differently, whilst its true that I did enjoy many "good times" including those times she mentioned, the reason I was able to was having prior repressed the betrayal she did, it wouldnt have worked otherwise. I blame myself for it, but it wasnt the kind of hurt I was able to deal with otherwise.

I cant wait to fully detach, it helped a lot to write this topic I get alot of interesting revalations these days. Nothing today though, didnt think of her at all, so something is working.