What did you find out about you?
My reality stays the same whether I am at the beginning, in the middle or at the end of what I do. Whether things are going smoothly or not. I am consistent. I do everything I can to make things work.
About your spouse?
My spouse has paranoid episodes where she is sure I am using her for her money. That's a big distortion. She has changed her mind about what she said she was going to do, and she has re-written the story of our arrangements accordingly. When she feels that way, there is nothing I can do about it. She has painted me black. She has rejected me according to that thinking. She's been hearing some truth when a third person told her I was not like that.
Mostly when she felt loved by a third party. Safer for her.
Funny thing is, when I sent her a recording of me sharing my feelings, I could have been that third party as far as I can see, it seemed to have helped.
How did feel about what you found out?
Scared. Bewildered. As if I didn't count at all, or maybe only as a prop in a play of sorts. Now I take extra care to not let these ways of thinking define me.
FF, did I answer your question?
