Will a BPD/NPD ever settle a lawsuit or will they fight till the end.

[Newyoungfather]

I am sueing an NPD/BPD and have soo much evidence against them in which my attorney told me she's more concerned about collecting the money than winning.  Does this fall into the the category that the npd/BPD can't apologize or admit their wrong even if they settle with no contest.  I have made an offer to cover all my cost if they plead no fault but they won't.  How will they respond when they lose.

[soundofmusicgirl]

BPDs will never admit they did anything wrong. That is part of the diagnosis. They can't self-reflect as it opens them up to feeling the emptiness inside.

In the legal setting that usually means that settling on anything is only possible if they have the feeling they are "winning". It can be done by you starting your initial offer way beyond what you actually want to achieve. That way if the BPD "negotiates down" to what you actually had in mind that person will feel like they won and you have achieved /settled on the things that you actually wanted.

Or you don't settle and the judge makes the decisions.
We have done both. BPD feels in both situations that they should have more "rights" and that they were done wrong.

[bus boy]

My personal court experience was family court with ex wife and she lied and deceived and did what ever she had to do to get what she wanted.
 We did a settlement for visitation it was a good one, the order before that one was crap bare minimum access. After the settlement order i was very pleased with my new access and was very surprised ex wife agreed to all terms, that's a settlement order both parties have to agree to all the terms and then the judge orders a review. Ex wife did everything in her power to get me to change the terms after the settlement but I wouldn't budge so she and her BF set to work with sneaky devious acts and when the review came up I went to court armed with ex wife and her BF awful behaviour and when she got up on the stand her lies flowed like a river and the judge scraped most of the settlement order, left some terms out of the new order and now I'm back to bare minimum access and ex is still twisting the order in her sneaky ways and doing the things the old order said she couldn't do but the judge forgot to put in the new order.
  I guess the point of my long winded story is the BPD/NPD are never going to change and Wei do what they have to do to achieve there personal goal or outcome.
  I've just given up on it, I have my order and I follow it no matter what ex wife does. You can't fight them and win they have no morales. In family court the best lier wins and BPD/NPD are the best liers.

[Panda39]

I am sueing an NPD/BPD and have soo much evidence against them in which my attorney told me she's more concerned about collecting the money than winning.  Does this fall into the the category that the npd/BPD can't apologize or admit their wrong even if they settle with no contest.  I have made an offer to cover all my cost if they plead no fault but they won't.  How will they respond when they lose.

Frankly, going to court is not about getting her to apologize or admitting she's wrong.  I know that's what you want... .you want to shame her, you want to be vindicated by the court, you want justice!  But it won't likely happen here.  I know it's natural to want to "win", and I know it's natural to want to hurt someone who has hurt you.  But this isn't what court is about.  They don't care about how you feel about each other they care about the law, and in your situation what is best for your child. 

How will they respond when they lose.

There is no guarantee she will "lose" and you will "win".  My advice is to lower your expectations here, the decision is in the hands of someone else (Judge) and they don't care about who wins, it's about what is best for your child.  I would say that most of us get something more than nothing and something less than everything.

My advice is to focus on what is best for your child and not on punishing your ex.

Will she give up? Maybe, or maybe it takes more trips to court who knows.  She has BPD/BPD Traits she likes drama, she likes engaging with you (negative attention is still attention), she is dysfunctional, she shares a child with you and unfortunately because of that she isn't likely to just pack up her dysfunction and disappear, court or no court.

Panda39

[ForeverDad]

My ex had two very favorable temp orders (temp custody and temp majority time) for the separation and the divorce case.  She was extremely entitled, wanted to punish me, tried to make me look worse than her, so of course the case dragged out as long as possible.  I had to complete every step of the divorce.  She also got a few 'continuances' that delayed us even more.  My lawyer had estimated 7-9 months for the divorce, the reality was 23.5 months, nearly two years.  However, we did settle on Trial Day, I was greeted with that news when I arrived at court that day.  The reality?  She couldn't delay any more.  It was Trial or Settle.

That is one reason mediation early in a case doesn't work, well, not unless you're willing to Gift everything to the ex including your proverbial soul.  So if there is ordered mediation or settlement conference, comply but stick to your boundaries.  You don't have to walk out with a settlement, not if the terms are horrendous.  Just declare it Failed and return to court for the next step.  Settlements are more likely later in a case, and on less unreasonable terms, when ex has to face reality and isn't so entitled, often just before a major hearing or trial.

I agree with the others, ponder what your goals are.  If it is to punish the other, you may never get that.  You'll have to Gift yourself some level of Closure, the ex won't help you in that.

My ex was entitled before during and after the divorce.  She had temp custody and majority time starting since our son was 3 years old... .entitled.  She had Shared Parenting and reduced to equal time... .entitled.  She lost custody... .entitled.  She lost majority time during the school year... .finally not so entitled.  However, son was nearly 12 years old by that time so him being a preteen may have been a factor.  My point is you can't predict precisely how or when the entitlement may weaken.

[AnuDay]

I had my UBPDex on a proverbial cross.  I settled because I didn't have the heart to crucify her.  I also settled for the sake of time, money, and the terms were fair. 
My BPDex did not want to fight (too much) and really wanted the whole issue to be over.  It was traumatizing for her.  She's not very high functioning.  The judge saw right through her pretty fast so that helped.  My UBPDex may have told a couple of lies that were uncovered instantly.  My case was pretty solid.  I had been building up evidence for over a year.  She was totally blindsided. 

[Newyoungfather]

Hello Everyone,
Sorry for the belated response, had issues all this month with my son and his mother.  I'm suing the mother of my child for something that has happened outside of custody.  She has made false allegations which cost me tons of money.