BPD partner. What do I do?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi
I need help. My partner of 3yrs has BPD. We have had many ups and downs. This week was an up then a small argument somehow turned into him deciding to stop communicating. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. Do I just wait it out? I used to wait a day or two and message but I don't feel I should do that this time. There is emotional and verbal abuse often. False accusations. And a screwed perception of events. It's hard to walk away from someone you love but he won't get help.

[Sasstown]

Hi
I need help. My partner of 3yrs has BPD. We have had many ups and downs. This week was an up then a small argument somehow turned into him deciding to stop communicating. I'm just not sure what to do anymore. Do I just wait it out? I used to wait a day or two and message but I don't feel I should do that this time. There is emotional and verbal abuse often. False accusations. And a screwed perception of events. It's hard to walk away from someone you love but he won't get help.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Radcliff]

We're sorry for the pain you're feeling, but are happy you've found us.  You are not alone.  The issues you describe are very common in our BPD relationships.  This is a great place to get support and learn coping strategies to make things better.

If there is emotional and verbal abuse and they pull away, then you chase them, that makes them feel needed, and rewards them for abusing and pulling away.  It eventually may make sense to send a very short, neutral "hi" note, but I'd try waiting a bit longer than you have in the past.  Use the extra time to heal and reflect a bit.

Can you tell us a little more about your relationship?  How long have you been together?  How much relationship experience does each of you have?

RC

[Harri]

Hello.  I am joining Radcliff in saying welcome. 

Knowing what to do when they go silent on us can be confusing.  It is such a painful thing too.  I agree with Radcliff when he says not to try to reach out now.  You said you don't feel like reaching out right now it the right things to do.  Can I ask what has changed your thinking on that?  Are you more aware of how unhealthy his behaviors are?

I am glad you found us.  We can help you.  Plus, we get it.