How to find the right therapist?

[Star0009]

Hi
I've just relocated back to my home town and I'm in need of a therapist. I was the scapegoat child of narcissistic parents and a BPD mom. I'm also in an emotionally abusive relationship and just got away from his BPD Mom but he has not done his own work. I have had several therapists over the years and have healed lots but I need really good help. I've usually gone on instinct by someone's picture and stuck with them. Some have worked out better than others but all have offered insights except for when I used a clinic that was horrible. I really want to find a really good fit this time any suggestions of how to do this? A type of therapy that works well for my situation? Any questions to ask about specializations? Thanks .

[HappyChappy]

Hi Star0009,

You could start by looking for the style of therapy they use. For example, I have CPTSD and CBT is recommended for that. Then you can look at their qualifications, in my country there are searchable directories, based on areas of interest and levels of qualification. I did shop around, and eventually went with someone who was all that my mother wasn’t, empathetic, soft, warm, intelligent. Ironically she didn’t have the PD specialism, she just had good advice and agreed with me a lot (I’m a bloke, and we like that).

Why not just call around, and see if you click with anyone. Worked well for me. Best of luck.

[JNChell]

Hey, Star0009. Glad to talk with you again. It sounds like you’ve been busy with relocating and getting settled in.

While searching for a therapist that will best suit your needs, you’ll need to ask questions. Take the approach that you’re hiring this person. Interview them in a sense. You know your background and you know what personality disorders look like. A lot of therapists really don’t, believe it or not. Ask them questions about their understanding of BPD/NPD. You’ll know by their response if they can help you because you know what it’s like to live beside these disorders. You could even write out a reasonable list of questions to ask. Maybe you’d like to start that list here. We can help you formulate some effective questions. Totally up to you, but the invitation stands.

I eventually found a very good trauma specialist. She doesn’t really use labels during our discussions, but she knows what personality disorders are very well. In a roundabout way, she has said that my son’s mom sounds like a borderline. She generalizes the labels under the umbrella of “emotionally manipulative people”. I get it. There’s no need to focus on a label when it’s simply behavioral treatment from childhood that I need to heal from.

It’s important to keep in mind that a very good therapist is needed for things like this. I’ve sat with a couple that just don’t get it. It’s imperative that they have a real grasp on what you’ve been through and what you’re currently dealing with.

[Star0009]

thanks guys! Sorry I didn't respond for a bit. I'm finding my insurance is limiting my options more than I thought but I'm working on it still.