Fear About Posting

[William_D]

I have a real fear about posting.  I am a very private person and I don't think I could tolerate talking about my feelings unless i knew it was anonymous.  Its strange because I already feel that I can just talk about things here, but i have this fear that people i know will stumble across my posts as they learn about my suspicions that my wife is a pwBPD.  My story is so unique that its not hard to connect the dots.  Should i just say screw it and tell my story?  I have honestly never done a support group before.  I would feel violated knowing that I bore my soul to people i don't know if i can trust with my feelings.  I am NOT not a vulnerable person in most parts of my life, but I feel sort of stuck. I cant be the only person who has felt this way. 

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi William_D,

there are 100,000 members here, with millions of posts/stories, all overlapping. people arent found unless they advertise that they are members here. youre safe to tell your story, and i hope you will. anonymity gives us the freedom to share the toughest of the hard stuff.

[Bnonymous]

Hi William_D,

I understand your fears and I did feel the same way myself at first. On the one hand, it would be awful if someone you knew read and recognised your story. But, on the other hand, as Once Removed says, it is completely anonymous here and with thousands of messages - the chances of being "discovered" are really very low indeed. When you add the factor of how very much it can help to post here (getting support and advice, sharing with people who understand and getting things off your chest, becoming part of a community of people who get it, reducing your isolation etc), the math comes out as worth the (very small) risk. That was my reasoning anyway.

The guidelines for the board say to be honest. But, if fear of being identified is really inhibiting you from posting, then changing small biographical details (ones that don't change the important truths or context of your story) might make you feel more secure. For example, if you have a ten year old son, you could tell the board that you have a nine year old daughter. Minor changes to tiny background details like this which don't affect the accuracy of what you tell us about your relationship or situation and won't lead to you receiving inapplicable or incomplete advice might make you feel more secure.

I'm not advising lying, but, if minor insignificant edits for the sake of anonymity make you feel safer posting, then I think making those edits is better than not posting at all. But, even if you stick rigidly to every fact, the chances of being discovered by any one who knows you are really very low indeed.