Christmas greetings

[Horace]

It’s Christms Eve and we’re Ona family holiday.  We disappear and go skiing and get out of the craziness. It has always worked. This year... .DD15 is in particularly bad place.  Been out of school for 8 weeks after permanent exclusion, has NO friends, had a Long distance  boyfriend who has gotten fed up of the craziness and blocked her on all communication modes yesterday. We think this may be the final ending after many ups and down with him.

She won’t ski, mopes around, and tonight made life miserable for everyone in her path. 

Merry Christmas seems unlikely... .

I wish all of you some peace!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Happy Christmas Horace

Hope you can ride it.

LP

[Horace]

Thanks!  I’ll ride it, we always do! There aren’t any options really!

[Feeling Better]

Hi Horace,

I remember holidays being spoiled by my uBPD son, just take it in your stride, as I’m sure you will do and don’t let her spoil it for the rest of you.

Merry Christmas 

FB x

[Harri]

Merry Christmas to you too Horace!

Even if she makes the whole day difficult, I hope you can find some moments of joy to embrace.

Happy skiing!  (packed or powder?)

[StepMonster]

Horace,
My DSD (darling step daughter) is also 15. Only still in school because school is very (too?) accommodating of her issues. Helps that almost all of their work is online these days.

I hear you on Christmas. On our way home from Christmas Eve church (DSD won't attend with us) she sent my husband a text asking if her friend could spend the night. On Christmas Eve. We have no presents for her and four family visits to squeeze in Christmas day.

Our "no" unleashed the border-lion! We weren't just being unfair. We were being incredibly selfish. We heard how Jesus wouldn't turn anyone away on Christmas eve (friend isn't alone, just with her brothers). Having her over might be the thing that stops her friend from going into a life of crime. She can't believe what hypocrites we are. She wasn't raised that way! 

She spent 3 hours sitting in my car crying on Christmas eve.

We just went to sleep.

It doesn't help that our ex-wife is also BPD (no, we're not polygamists, but she's not really a competent adult and her family has disowned her, so if she stays on her program, we help her out with a few things. It's a bit like having a grown step child with special needs). So, she was on the phone with DsD early Christmas day wanting to change their plans. It was like dominoes. Nothing went right.

I was sobbing at my mom's by 4:00 in the afternoon. My husband was at his dad's cooking a meal we weren't even supposed to attend for a bunch of people too drunk to operate a kitchen, while his DD did the "PAY ATTENTION TO ME OR ELSE" dance. It was a complete disaster. When we both got home he basically told her she needed to find someone else to deal with her for a while and we went to bed. At 6:30 in the evening.

I'm still recovering from it. Whether we make any plans for Christmas 2019 will depend entirely on the results of her new therapy.

[WrenJD]

Oh dear, reading all of your experiences, I am remembering the many family events where “the border-lion” reared it’s head. Sorry about your holiday Horace, and the pain your DD is going through. Hope you were able to make her feel supported but not have your entire trip impacted negatively.