Still hurts ... Why ?

[Harlygirl]

Hi All ... .I've been trying to stay NC with BPDexbf ... .but still receive daily texts ... .requests for communication ... .declarations of love ... .and not responding ... .trying to stay strong ... .But why does this still hurt ? It's been almost 3 months since BPDbf (moved out and ordered by court to stay away ) ... .and it feels like all of his betrayals happened yesterday ... .and the daily declarations of love feel like constant reminders of those betrayals ? Why does this still hurt soo much ?

[Mindfried]

It has been 6 months of breakup time for me after a rollercoaster 4 years and it still hurts like it happened yesterday. I have not heard from her in months. I have been unable to figure this out. It is like they have some type of evil hold on us that we cant break free of even when we know better. Trust me I have tried everything. It is way better than before but still hurts daily.

[Cromwell]

well it hurts because he is not letting you time to heal, he is still in your face when this hurt hasnt been healed yet. It is ripping the scabs off.

You said he is contacting you, but that the court told him to stay away? so is he breaching anything?

when I got back in contact with the BPDx, everything she said was sweet and nice, yet it triggered me and brought back the same thoughts you are explaining here - the hurt and the betrayal - it doesnt just vanish but are helpful if hurtful reminders of what the person has done. Imagine if you werent hurt by it, youd be going back easier. Listen to the intuition giving the warning signals, the more louder they are, the likely the more hurtful they are for good reason in proportion to whatever he has done in the past.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Harlygirl, I wonder if you might benefit from imposing your own boundaries concerning those daily texts from your Ex?  To me, it seems like he is rubbing salt in your wounds and trying to wear you down.  What kind of boundaries?  That's up to you.  You could tell him not to text you or you will report him to the Court, or you could just block the texts, or at a minimum decline to read them.  What feels like the right boundary for you?

LJ

[Beneck]

Not much to say here, other than I mirror the opinion of the posters above. If those texts are affecting you, I think you should do something about it, especially since you have no responsbility towards this man. However, what you do and how you do it, is up to you.

Take care of yourself!  

EDIT: Another thing I'd like to mention:

3 months, in regards to recovering from a serious relationship breaking down is (imo) not a long time :p

The thing is, detaching from someone is not entirely time-depedent, and what you fill that length of time will also play a large role in how succesful detaching is.

What I mean is that: are you treating yourself as a priority, are you having fun (or at the very least trying to) and are you allowing yourself to grieve and mourn properly? In my experience, "distractions" (work, responsibilities etc) will attractive at first, will only make matters worse in the long run.

[crushedagain]

It has been ONE YEAR and 3 months and I still hurt. Sure, it's not as bad as the first few months, but this one was hard to shake.

[Coastered]

Looks like I have some time to go then, just three months in... .