Too much stress

[K’s mom]

DD28 has been calling with the usual BPD chaos. The boyfriend that she moved from Alberta to be with is always threatening to kick her out. I believe he suffers from mental illness as well,so the two of them together will be horrible. She asked to come home, both my Husband and I don’t want her in our home again. The chaos of the BPD and the chance of her relapsing has taken its toll on us. We raise our grandson, his dad was killed 7 years ago. He just turned 16 today. I want to focus on him and as many of you know, BPD’s demand a lot of attention. The stress has made me sick, the doctors are still trying to figure out exactly what I have. My problem is how to tell her without her feeling I am abandoning her. There is a hospital in Ottawa that treats mental illness. I’m hoping she goes there. Any advice?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi K's mom,

I'm so sorry to hear that your health is suffering. Sadly, it's very common to have physical ailments when chaos and stress surround you. I'm glad you've reached out for support, suggestions, on how to have a conversation with your DD about your boundary, that she not live with you.  Although your DD may feel abandoned, these are her feelings, not your intent. We can help you, offer suggestions on communicating the news, in hopes of the best possible outcome for you all.

Have you had a chance to check out our resources on communicating with a pwBPD? I'm learning that communication with my DD25 is different than with any other person in my life, and at first I was reluctant to "change" anything about how I talked to her. Once I got on board, I've had some success with tools like Listening with Empathy and Validation. Even though my relationship with my DD is the most challenging, the skills I'm learning here are helping with all my relationships. More importantly, having the skills helps me feel confident and less reactive, much better for my mental, and physical!, well being.

Here are some links that describe what I'm talking about. Let us know what you think and ask any questions at all. We are here for you, we know how difficult it can be to communicate without reacting.

Listen with Empathy

Validation Skill-Stop Invalidating Others

I'm also throwing out this link again, Better Self Care.

Hang in there, K's mom, we've got you.

~ OH

[Only Human]

Happy Birthday to your GS!

You've got a lot going on and my heart goes out to you 

~ OH