Getting worse not better

[Eskmont]

Two and a half yrs w middle aged bf who is ADHD and waiting to be diagnosed with BPD. I’ve been in therapy and currently trying to focus on myself and learning more about codependency.
Bf is high-functioning successful respected Corp man... .which is what I feel in love with. He has outward BPD aggression (not self harming) and constantly splits and devalues me and raging accusations. Irrational distorted thoughts. Daily. Hourly.  Denial and acceptance of BPD varies on a weekly basis. Sometimes there has been what seems like psychosis from distorted thoughts and rabbit holes of crazy ideas that has lasted for  short or long intervals.  Lies, gaslighting, drinking, over-eating.
Because he is so high-functioning and intelligent, I keeep thinking once he gets DBT that he will be the wonderful man to me that he is with everyone else. Or pretends to be.
Again, I recognize the codependency issues and currently working on them. But I’m still looking for support and validation here.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

Hello Eskmont! Welcome!

You will find that many people here can understand what you're going through and may have tools and advice that can make your relationship better. I hope you'll read and post in other members' threads. That's one way to get and give advice and bond with your fellow members. Tools are nice, but just supporting each other can sometimes be the biggest help of all!

That's great that you're recognizing and working on your own issues. That's a big step.

It sounds like there's a lot going on and a lot to deal with, which can be overwhelming. Is there one particular aspect of your relationship that seems more urgent than the others?