I'm sure many of you are well aware of the well... .i'm not sure how to put it. The erratic and unstable environment when living with someone with BPD. Usually when my mom goes off of her medication we see the same thing: Completely disconnect from reality. She doesn't see what's really happening and everything is so irrational and about her. It's hard to cope with but I've grown used to it and it's usually just a time to buckle up your seat belts for this emotional hell. My mom jumps from "I love you so so so so much never leave my side" to "god i hate you get away from me" and even gets so irrational to the point to where she is accusing my dad of trying to hit her or... now saying he is a pervert and locking him out of the bedroom at night? My dad is a good guy and he doesn't know how to handle it. He loves her so much but-like me- has a hard time coping with her irrational behavior and constant jumps.
She goes on spending sprees and cheats on my dad. She yells and curses like a sailor because someone blinked incorrectly and will poor hot coffee on the ground and throw plates and other objects at my dad's head. Instead of throwing things at me and my sisters she throws OUR things-like phones or anything breakable that we care about- at walls and across the house until they break. It is so unbelievably draining. And when we offer help or even mention getting back on her medication she loses it. So we usually just ride it out. The last time she was forced to take her medication was when there was a serious threat from child services to take us-which would result in the loss of her job because of her job-- so she got back on them.
But this time is a bit more extreme. She is claiming that she has been "sending signs" to my father that she is unhappy in the relationship for 6 months. But last month my mom was clingy and lovey and *cringes* i hate saying this but wanting to have intercourse with him almost every night. She wants a divorce and claims my dad treats her horribly. This has completely blindsided him. As i said he loves her so so much and he is trying his best to even get her to look at him. It's valentines day and he wants to take her out to dinner. She said no and told him to get away from her. He hasn't slept or eaten in 3 days because of this. He went back to nicotine.
He's looking to me for help. He's falling apart. I don't think there is much we can do to bring her back to reality right now. He broke down in my room this morning after she told him that she didn't want to go to dinner with him tonight. He told me how he can't handle it. How much it hurts him. But he says she is worth it and he loves her and he wants to fix it. He knows it's not him and he can't figure out what he did to make her so unhappy. And right this very second he is calling a friend of his and asking if he can sleep on their couch for a few days. It hurts me so much to see my dad hurt like this. He can't figure out what he has done and when he tries all she says is "the time for talking is over."
Me and my mother no longer have a relationship because she has done so much damage to me. So me and multiple therapist have decided i'm better off with not expecting anything from her anymore. I can't and won't handle her loving me so much that its suffocating to withdrawing all love to the point where i feel like i've wronged her and it feels cold. I have enough mental health issues as it is so i've made the decision to break off from her. Her erratic behavior no longer affects my emotions for the
most part. But i don't know how to cope with seeing my dad fall apart. I don't know how to help him. I don't know how he can make this situation better. It hurts me so much to see him this way and to know he has done nothing to deserve it. Does anyone have any advice other than to "let your dad handle it" or "it's not your problem focus on you"? I need something real. I need somewhere to start. I need an action.
