worriedStepmom
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« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2019, 02:51:10 PM » |
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It has to be frustrating to try to get your parenting time in while also working so many long hours. Kudos to you for taking 50/50 custody so seriously!
Does your custody agreement spell out what your ex is responsible for purchasing and what you are responsible for spending on the children? In my state it is really vague. Here, as long as the kids aren't physically neglected the kids and have the basics, then the parent receiving child support doesn't have to account for how it gets spent. In my state, at least, that money is intended to help equalize the incomes of the two households so the kids don't go from one very wealthy home to one very poor home. If your ex was a stay-at-home mom before your divorce, then she may have been awarded so much so that she could still be that presence for your children, to help with consistency.
I get child support from my ex. I pay all the school and activity fees, buy all the equipment (except Cub Scout uniforms, because my ex wanted to sign our son up for that), pay for all the school lunches, and buy them clothes and toys for my house. My ex buys them clothes and toys for their time with him, because neither of us want the kids to pack a bag to go back and forth (although they are allowed to bring things back and forth if they choose).
Until recently, my H paid child support to his ex. In addition, we paid all the extracurricular activity fees, bought all the equipment, and bought most of the clothes she wore in both houses (SD would wear new clothes to her mom's and come back in clothes that didn't fit, so I gave away the ill-fitting ones and kept buying new clothes until it stopped being a problem).
Is that fair? For me and H, no. For SD, yes. Her mom makes very little money, her dad doesn't make much more, and I earn a lot. We wanted to do what was best for SD.
Your lawyer can tell you what the laws are in your state (mine is very clear about how child support is calculated) and whether the judge will approve of you reducing your income. In my state, also, child support can't be reviewed for 3 years after the initial orders are put into place, so check on the rules in California.
It sounds like you still have a lot of resentment towards your ex. Are you seeing a therapist? That can help get over some of the residual feelings.
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