Seeking detached's dating opinions

[Circle]

Hello,
I have been on here before for a past relationship with my ex diag. BPD partner.
Now I am on here again, with a person I have been dating.
We have been dating for a few months.
They are a cool person.
I like them.
We share interests and ideologies and have a physical attraction.
Much of what they do annoys me, yet it seems like normal human differences.
At least until recently.
They are still dating other people.
This came up in conversation recently.
I mentioned that I still wanted to date other people too, and also be on dating sites, like they are.
This is when they freaked out and gave me the willys for the first time.
They got upset and exclaimed that I was leaving them, worriedly.
They also said that I was being cruel.
I responded by mentioning that things were stat and nothing had changed.
I was pretty put off by all of this.
I decided I would tell them so a day or two later.
I explained that I didn't like the way they responded
They became upset with me again.
They said reactively, that I was harrassing them and being cruel.
I felt like I was being openly communicative.
I realize that perhaps I should have approached the conversation with more tact (walking on eggshells?)
At any rate, all of this has me on edge.
Additionally, in the last couple of weeks they notified me that
if I didn't perform a specific chore, there was a possibility I could be disconnected from them as a friend.
It is all starting to add up.
I never for a second would have considered this person to potentially be disordered before.
Now I am not so sure.
The fact that they feel harrassed by pretty harmless stuff makes me feel alert.
So, now I am all up in my head, confused.
I thought I was onto something good.
Seems pretty likely that it is not safe though.
Any thoughts?

[Beneck]

Sounds like a degree of emotional immaturity to me, and not NECCESARILY this person being disordered.

Whatever the case, the interaction/relationship with this person does not seem to be working out for you, as it currently is. 

What do you intent to do?

[Circle]

Beneck,
Thanks for your reply and perspective.
I am wary of anyone who says being forward is an attack.
What else is going to qualify as an attack later?
And how long until they claim I am an attacker?
I think I will continue to reciprocate friendship, yet keep sex out of the picture, as it seems to activate people's over-reactions.
-Circle

[once removed]

from your description, it is a bit hard to tell how this played out.

for example, especially in the early stages of a relationship, its not uncommon to misread someone as intent on breaking up. i just heard three stories about it happening over very innocent, total misreads, last night. "i want to see other people and be on dating sites" wouldnt be unreasonable to misconstrue...if the other person is doing so as well, they might just take all of that as a given and wonder why youre bringing it up. or it could sound like a demand for exclusivity.

you describe being pretty put off by her, and then telling her you didnt like her response. all of this could reasonably be interpreted as you heading toward a certain direction.

like i said, its a bit hard to tell. so she responded by saying if you dont do something (we dont know what the something is), that she might break things off.

so from an outsider perspective, this sounds a bit tit for tat, with both of you trying to out maneuver the other into taking steps to alleviate insecurities. is there more to it?

[Circle]

O.R.,
I appreciate your reply.
I am just in the frustration stage at the moment.
When my thoughts clear up, I will respond more clearly.
Thanks for chiming in, I am grateful.
Have a good weekend,
C

[Zen606]

Yes Circle, run.
Zen606

[Circle]

Zen606,
I like  your avatar.
I am trying to remember the comic.
Family Circus?
Anyway, well, maybe take my time before diving fully in.
It is funny.
Sometimes I feel like I want to commit as a way of securing a relationship. But, why so early, me?
What's the rush?
-C

[Zen606]

Hi Circle,
Thanks!  The avatar is Sluggo, from Nancy and Sluggo. Thanks I like him too, reminds me of me.

Committing to secure the relationship, I can see that as a strategy, but we need to be careful because often we don't know the person well enough, and we are at risk of things turning into a nightmare. This is how I became entangled with my BPD trait ex. I wanted to be with him so much that I became involved almost immediately and watched over a year his roller coaster behaviors. Once I put 2 and 2 together, I ran, NC now 1 and a half years.

Now, friends only, until we get to know each other. Believe me, you'll start seeing right away things that may or may not change your mind about the person as a relationship partner. I like the friendship mode, its more flexible, easier. To me, at this point in my life and knowing my emotional issues that I see as limitations, this is the best approach.   

Take your time. We are all worthy of positive energies in our lives.

Zen606

[Circle]

Zen606,
Oh yeah, Nancy!
With her prickly black hair and bow.
I had a big black and white rug for a while with all sorts of characters: felix, betty boop, etc.
Anyhow, I appreciate the positive reply.
It does seem like a good mode to observe from: friendship mode.
I like that it gives reactionary types room to flee also.
I have found that effective with BPD sorts before.
Letting them run when they want to run (see ya).
Anyway, I appreciate your reply!
Good point that we are all worthy of positive energies in our lives.
Thanks Zen606

[Zen606]

Hi Circle,
Yes, don't you like those old comics? You remember Henry? Never talked, had a bald head. Then there was Little Lulu, Tubby, and the witches in the forest.

You know the friendship status -- I'm talking non-sexual -- is interesting because, if one is serious about being friends, and the person is being pushy, disregards that you said friends only, and displays other behaviors that could be yellow flags, one can see to a degree and ahead of time where potential issues could lie. So, I am finding that just being with someone as a friend, getting to know them and enjoying their company is a smart way to go, until things change for you, if they do. Wish I would have used this strategy so many relationships ago!   

Friends is a good place to observe from.

Zen606

[Circle]

Hi Zen606,
No, I don't remember those comics specifically.
Unless you are talking about characters within Nancy, then I may have a slight visual recall of them.
Yes, I think what you are speaking of, a 'friends' strategy, makes sense.
It seems like the primary benefit is that it detaches one from the confusion and strong feelings that arise from having sex with another person.
So yeah, it makes sense.
At the same time, being able to notice those push/pull behaviors you are speaking about can be noticed at any stage of a relationship.
However, I think your strategy is a much easier way to do this.
So yeah, good point.
Have a good day.