I am trying to give her space but I don't want to lose her

[Depression = 72% of members]

I am finding things very challenging at the moment.  I was engaged to someone who exhibited many of the characteristics of BPD.  We had a relatively minor row and a few days later she simply said she did not want to get married as she had lost trust in me.  A few days thereafter she said that she didn't know what had happened but wanted to separate for a few weeks.  She has gone away to stay with friends now for 3 weeks.  Over the course of three weeks, we have not spoken though there has been very limited (but civil and formal) text messages.  She seems to be getting colder and colder and is switching off.  She goes several days without any communication at all and I feel I am making all the running which I feel might be causing her to become even colder.
I am trying to give her space but I don't want to lose her altogether. I wrote her an email today setting out in a supportive way many things but she has not acknowledged it. I am finding it all very confusing, bewildering, difficult and upsetting. I feel helpless and feel a little that I have endured so much, only now to be treated badly.    

[Charles Danvers]

I am finding things very challenging at the moment.  I was engaged to someone who exhibited many of the characteristics of BPD.  We had a relatively minor row and a few days later she simply said she did not want to get married as she had lost trust in me.  A few days thereafter she said that she didn't know what had happened but wanted to separate for a few weeks.  She has gone away to stay with friends now for 3 weeks.  Over the course of three weeks, we have not spoken though there has been very limited (but civil and formal) text messages.  She seems to be getting colder and colder and is switching off.  She goes several days without any communication at all and I feel I am making all the running which I feel might be causing her to become even colder.
I am trying to give her space but I don't want to lose her altogether. I wrote her an email today setting out in a supportive way many things but she has not acknowledged it. I am finding it all very confusing, bewildering, difficult and upsetting. I feel helpless and feel a little that I have endured so much, only now to be treated badly.    

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome though i am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.

You situation is painful and all too familiar to many of us on this board.  You are not alone in this and I am glad you have reached out for support. 

Your impression that the more you reach out the colder she gets is usually on target.   You said you want to give her space but are afraid you will lose her.  Many here have struggled with that.  The thing is, giving her space and time to settle down and not have expectations placed on her is what is called for here.  It is hard to do but one of our members here refers to these situations as the long game and you have to make slow, deliberate and careful moves if you want a chance of reconnecting. 

Does that make sense?  In the meantime, you can work on you while you are here.  Post about what you are feeling, reach out to others to help them even if it is to share your own experiences or talk about what you did in a situation. We all have a lot to offer and in doing so we help ourself. 

Can you tell us some of the BPD type behaviors you noticed and how you responded to them?