Love and hate. Its so difficult to know what to do for best...

[Sunandrain]

What to say? Well ..hello is a good place. I’ve been looking to understand what’s going on for too long now and BPD seems to tick lots of the boxes. Most of all it would be good to know that I’m not going crazy and am not alone. The moods which have always been there are no longer just a few occasions a year...its all merged into a constant daily battle. I feel like i’m with someone whose personalty has completely changed and the only way to cope is remove myself from his presence. But that brings about other worries...when I’m absent things get cut up (ie. the middle of precious canvas wall hangings just cut out) , moved disappear...just yesterday I found 3 ft drawing on a white door ...done with a permanent thick black pen...last week all the vents were taped up and I was given a note saying ‘ dont talk ...they have put cameras here’. ... then he was convinced he had some physical ailment but the Dr found nothing. And now he’ s stated drinking which he’s never done before. I never know whats going to occur from day to day and lulled ito thinking its a good day I accept an inviation to go for a walk only to find within minutes Im being berated and criticised and called names for no apparent reason. Love and hate. Its so difficult to know what to do for best...are these things that others experience?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello sunandrain
I am glad to meet you although sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. It seems someone in your life  has really got you feeling like you are on a roller coaster. You have come to the right place for help and support. First let's find the right group for you. Who is the person in your life who has BPD tendencies?

[Skip]

 

It does sound familiar - emotional  cycling (love hate thing) is common with people  with traits of BPD. They feel it about themselves, too.

What does he berate you about?

[Sunandrain]

Not quite sure how to use this yet...will get the hang of it. In answer to the right group. The person is my partner of 22 years.
Re. What does he berate me about? ...usually a negative comment about me...stupid..useless..shouting at me to ‘get out...I dont want to see your face’ ...

He’s also started drinking ...something thats never been of any interest before...after a few he plays more music and does weird things like cutting up canvas paintings or doing large symbolic sketch on on cupboard doors... I dont even say anything or react as I know it will cause a flare of yemper and accusations that I’m ‘complaining’

[Purplex]

Hi Sunandrain and welcome to the family 

last week all the vents were taped up and I was given a note saying ‘ dont talk ...they have put cameras here’. ...

He’s also started drinking ...something thats never been of any interest before...after a few he plays more music and does weird things like cutting up canvas paintings or doing large symbolic sketch on on cupboard doors...

When did he show these behaviors for the first time? Do they only occur when he is drinking or did it start before that?

Has he ever been in or considered therapy?

[Sunandrain]

Thanks for your reply Purplex

This started before the drinking ...He’s started drinking since then. ...I think its to cope with uncomfortable/ thoughts ? The taping up vents and the note to me to say we were under surveillance I believe was a paranoid delusion. I say that because 5 yrs ago he was admitted as emergency to a secure unit following similar ideas ..he went to an ordinary hospital first saying he had been poisened and saw significance in paintings on the wall there...they realised he was suffering  with paranioa and got him to a psychiatric facility where he was diagnosed with ‘delusional disorder’.  Hes never really acknowledged that and had put it behind him...its as though it never existed. He had a bit of therapy then but really I think just went along with it and withrew from any community support after a few months. Prior to that he was diagnosed with depression and PTSD ...both of these he does still acknowledge he has.
I think theres some crossover with all these diagnoses...and then a few months ago he had a heart attack ...a huge shock for both of us but after a stent insertion hes now discharged but on lifelong heart meds which he hates. I think that may have been a trigger for his current  mh crisis. ive tried getting help from the family dr but no help though he was asked if he wanted to see a psychiatrist which he refused( of course..because he says he’s ‘ not mad’ but says I am! )
Presently he’s just not communicating most of the day though has moments of lucidity and is able to hold it together enough if someone else around, after which he goes to a quiet room and sleeps or listens to the same music over and over...

My problem is that I just dont know how to respond for the best ...if I try any positive affirmations...( I can see you seem upset/angry at the moment ..what can I do to help?), he just says ..you’re not a doctor and storms out. Presently I just steer clear ...as much for my own sanity tbh ..and hope it will pass. But this episode has been about 4 weeks now ...the longest yet.