Stepped off this merry-go-round about a month ago

[SoTired821]

Hello!

So glad to have found a place of support!  I suspect my wife has BPD.  I just started putting the pieces together about 1 year ago. I do not know if she has been diagnosed or accepts any diagnosis - she's never talked about it.

It has only been recently that I've accepted her BPD and I'm trying to find my way thru the mess of it and my reaction to it. We seem to go thru the same cycle each time.  Things start out great - we're close and everything is good.  Then she starts to withdraw and I try harder to 'win' her over.  Eventually we get to a point where the relationship is falling apart and I suggest we go to counseling.  She then claims that she "can't" go to counseling so we end up distancing ourselves from each other.  Then enough time passes and we start the cycle all over again.

I've stepped off this merry-go-round about a month ago and told her that I do not know how to have a marriage relationship when we can't be open and honest with each other (she avoids even the hint of conflict like it's death itself).  And I told her that I'm done trying. Since then we've basically been living as friendly roommates.  We get along fine, but it's very lonely for me.  We hug, but that's all we do as far as physical touch.

There is so much more to my story, but I'll stop here.  Thanks for reading

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Levi Love]

Hello So Tired,

  I am new here also,  this is my third post.  Welcome, and what has helped me so much is educating  on the topic of BP as well as realizing there are support groups like this that really help.  The book that has helped me begin to understand how to communicate to my wife is "Talking to a loved one with BPD".  

All the best.

[SoTired821]

Thank you Levi!  I will check that book out.

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board.  I am sorry for what brings you here but I am glad you are reaching out for support.  We can do that and we can help you learn tools that can improve your situation.  Things can get better for you.

Then she starts to withdraw and I try harder to 'win' her over.

What does she do when she withdraws and what do you do to try to win her over?