PART 2: Needing advice..intimacy. To be or not to be?

[Theperfectsky]

Part 1 of this thread is here:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=336255.0;all

I don't know how much reading you have done on this site, TPS, but this is a good place to start:

https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

Click the link at the end of the article for more.

He's obviously not open to discussing problems at the moment, so it helps to try a different approach.

Also, trying to force him into therapy is not likely to be successful. Unless he admits he has a problem and is willing to seek help, it will just be paying lip service for a few sessions.

Honestly - we always have choices. They can be hard. Moving, getting a new job, relying on family and friends to get you through. It's not something anyone wants to do... but please don't feel you don't have choices.

I know I cant force him into therapy. At this point I dont see any other acceptable option to facilitate change in this r/s. I feel until he deals with all his trauma things will be the same.

Idk how to even approach him or what to even say to start talking about out r/s taking therapy out of the equation because that is what i have been so adamant about this whole time. This is going on a few weeks now "fight". Usually I would have given in by now and went along with him because I hate the avoiding each other and minimal communication. But I'm so tired of being hurt and so upset at the fact he walked out of counseling that I dont even know where to start with him.

I have always been the one to pursue. And "talk to me talk to me" I hate conflict. But now I'm withdrawn and shut down and feel like I dont even know how to communicate with him. Cant even find the words. Ive always been able to express myself. I guess its the fear of triggering him. And there are a lot of landmines. I want to have hope and I do love him and want to be with him but I want things to be better and idk how to do that without him going to therapy

Has anyone had success in their r/s with someone with npd/BPD without meds or therapy? If so how long have you been together?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Hopeandjoy]

I have had success in my relationship with a BPD partner of 2 yrs. without meds or therapy. And my parent with NPD who doesn't agree they have a prob.

Has he responded well to being pursued in the past? Has he given you reason to believe you can make him talk?

[Theperfectsky]

We've been together for 2 years too.

No he doesnt like the pursuing he shuts down. Gets overwhelmed easily. I was about to try and talk to him and all that just went out the window. He was in the bathroom shaving his armpits. Which he has never done before. He is going to an event with his class-ropes course. Which he never does anything social. I said why are you shaving your armpits youve never done that before. He said yes I have. You dont know me. I said ive been with you for 2 years and have never seen you with shaved armpits. I said do the other guys shave their armpits too? (Shouldn't have said that) he said i dont care about them. Shut up and leave me alone. Im going to punch you in the face. I said no you arent. He said get out of here then

[Hopeandjoy]

It sounds like he is taking his games to a new level and I'm worried he is overpowering you too much right now. We can support you on here but we can't reach you if this gets dangerous. I think you should reach out for some more serious help. If you can't reach your therapist, there are hotlines you can call. There is also free help at the YWCA.

[Theperfectsky]

Hes gone to his ropes course. Why is he doing this you think?

I kissed him and ssid have fun when he left.

Seems to be fine now

This is so crazy to me

[Hopeandjoy]

pwBPD are very reactionary. You turned him down for sex, he's going to try playing games. He's going to act like someone else wants him. Do not react to this or it could end in a real affair.

I think things are escalating, its good to recognize what he's doing but if he overpowers you too much you could suffer severe emotional trauma or your life be in danger.

[Theperfectsky]

My life be in danger?

He has been way worse than this. He has been raging throwing things yelling.