Back Pay and Child Support

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

So my uBPD ex has been speaking about his financial difficulties for some time now. Ever since he and his ex-fiancee split two years ago in April 2017, his debt has skyrocketed. He was on leave for awhile due to the stress of the break up and rolling his transport truck. He lived out of his truck for a period of time and yet still continued to rack up debt. He started back to work in April 2018, and took some time off for a couple of months but has been consistently working full-time since July 2018 or so. He made $55,000 in 2018 despite being off for a few months and working part-time for some of it.

He stopped paying his child support in Oct 2017 and resumed paying it in August 2018 but hasn't been paying the full amount. His total back pay is about $7000 and that doesn't include our daughter's activity costs (that is likely quite low compared to other stories I've heard on here). That amount is based on what is in the court order and not what his true income was/is (he should be paying much more based on that), or accounting for any time off for leave.

He has always been terrible with money and has had a few impulse expenditures over the past couple of years (ie TWO trips down south in the winter 2018 when he was on leave - he used the insurance money he had said he was going to use for some child support).

Despite the fact I was really upset that he had used his insurance money for something so frivolous, I was trying to allow him time to get back on his feet before pushing for any of the back pay. What was most important in my eyes was a stable place to bring our daughter on his weekends. He finally moved into a place in December 2018 so I thought things were looking up. The only time I have brought up back pay was when he had mentioned he was getting a lawyer since he wasn't happy with the amount of time he gets to spend with our daughter. When I mentioned the back pay, he immediately got very upset and said that if I try to go through the Family Responsibility Office to obtain the back pay, that they would take away his driver's license and then he wouldn't be able to work (he's a Transport driver), and we would get no child support/back pay anyway.

So fast forward to now. He is apparently looking into going bankrupt. He had asked for me to provide the amount of child support that was owed because, according to him, they pay out child support/back pay first and he wants to make sure we are taken care of first...ya, right. I am confused as he rents his place, owes a huge amount on his truck, has a huge amount of debt and has no investments whatsoever. How can they pay out anything if he has no assets or investments? Am I missing something?

This past weekend was his weekend and he asked if I could give our daughter change so that he could take her to the coffee shop. He says he is broke. This man makes over $80,000 Cdn a year! I would assume when he goes bankrupt that will wipe the back pay that he owes? I haven't contacted my lawyer lately because when I checked in with him last he said that the back pay is a good negotiating tool should we end up back in court. We will in all likelihood end up in court once he has any money to his name again since he says he wants more time with our daughter.

So I'm not sure what I should do, if anything. Is this just the negative side effect of having been involved with someone who is terrible with money and unstable? Should I just cut my losses? I never really expected to see anything though in fairness to him he gave us a chunk of his insurance money in Aug 2017 when he first went on leave so that he could almost catch up with the support owed back then. This totally blindsided me as I never would have expected that move from him in a million years.

I'm hesitant to contact my lawyer again as I had to pay him $500 last summer so that he could tell me to just keep doing what I was doing when it came to dealing with my ex and his erratic/unstable behavior.

I suppose I should contact the Family Responsibility office to see what would happen if he went bankrupt. Things have been so high conflict at times with him lately that I really don't feel like adding more to the drama. But I should see what our rights are, I guess.

I don't know that I have the energy to put into this fight right now though. My dad has dementia and has finally been accepted into a care center so this adjustment period is going to be really difficult for him, my mom and the rest of our family. I'd rather be focusing my energy on them right now.

[StillHopeful73]

So my uBPD ex has been speaking about his financial difficulties for some time now. Ever since he and his ex-fiancee split two years ago in April 2017, his debt has skyrocketed. He was on leave for awhile due to the stress of the break up and rolling his transport truck. He lived out of his truck for a period of time and yet still continued to rack up debt. He started back to work in April 2018, and took some time off for a couple of months but has been consistently working full-time since July 2018 or so. He made $55,000 in 2018 despite being off for a few months and working part-time for some of it.

He stopped paying his child support in Oct 2017 and resumed paying it in August 2018 but hasn't been paying the full amount. His total back pay is about $7000 and that doesn't include our daughter's activity costs (that is likely quite low compared to other stories I've heard on here). That amount is based on what is in the court order and not what his true income was/is (he should be paying much more based on that), or accounting for any time off for leave.

He has always been terrible with money and has had a few impulse expenditures over the past couple of years (ie TWO trips down south in the winter 2018 when he was on leave - he used the insurance money he had said he was going to use for some child support).

Despite the fact I was really upset that he had used his insurance money for something so frivolous, I was trying to allow him time to get back on his feet before pushing for any of the back pay. What was most important in my eyes was a stable place to bring our daughter on his weekends. He finally moved into a place in December 2018 so I thought things were looking up. The only time I have brought up back pay was when he had mentioned he was getting a lawyer since he wasn't happy with the amount of time he gets to spend with our daughter. When I mentioned the back pay, he immediately got very upset and said that if I try to go through the Family Responsibility Office to obtain the back pay, that they would take away his driver's license and then he wouldn't be able to work (he's a Transport driver), and we would get no child support/back pay anyway.

So fast forward to now. He is apparently looking into going bankrupt. He had asked for me to provide the amount of child support that was owed because, according to him, they pay out child support/back pay first and he wants to make sure we are taken care of first...ya, right. I am confused as he rents his place, owes a huge amount on his truck, has a huge amount of debt and has no investments whatsoever. How can they pay out anything if he has no assets or investments? Am I missing something?

This past weekend was his weekend and he asked if I could give our daughter change so that he could take her to the coffee shop. He says he is broke. This man makes over $80,000 Cdn a year! I would assume when he goes bankrupt that will wipe the back pay that he owes? I haven't contacted my lawyer lately because when I checked in with him last he said that the back pay is a good negotiating tool should we end up back in court. We will in all likelihood end up in court once he has any money to his name again since he says he wants more time with our daughter.

So I'm not sure what I should do, if anything. Is this just the negative side effect of having been involved with someone who is terrible with money and unstable? Should I just cut my losses? I never really expected to see anything though in fairness to him he gave us a chunk of his insurance money in Aug 2017 when he first went on leave so that he could almost catch up with the support owed back then. This totally blindsided me as I never would have expected that move from him in a million years.

I'm hesitant to contact my lawyer again as I had to pay him $500 last summer so that he could tell me to just keep doing what I was doing when it came to dealing with my ex and his erratic/unstable behavior.

I suppose I should contact the Family Responsibility office to see what would happen if he went bankrupt. Things have been so high conflict at times with him lately that I really don't feel like adding more to the drama. But I should see what our rights are, I guess.

I don't know that I have the energy to put into this fight right now though. My dad has dementia and has finally been accepted into a care center so this adjustment period is going to be really difficult for him, my mom and the rest of our family. I'd rather be focusing my energy on them right now.

[worriedStepmom]

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.  I'm so sorry your dad has deteriorated enough to need a care center, and I wish you all the best of luck with that transition.

In my US state, the agency that is responsible for collecting child support is also responsible for enforcing child support.  When a claim is filed, the agency provides the lawyers and files a court case against the person who isn't paying and does everything they can to ensure the back child support is recovered.  (My sister has had to do this twice because her ex is not always reliable about paying.) I am not as familiar with Canadian laws, but a brief search on Family Responsibility Office makes it seem like they do the same.

I'd start with them - call the Family Responsibility Office, let them know that he owes you a lot of money in child support, and ask what they recommend.  Worst case, they tell you that you have to engage a lawyer and file an enforcement.  Best case, they take care of it all for you.

[ForeverDad]

I did a 30 second internet search and found this, child support references excerpted here:

It is important to note that alimony and child support payments are not discharged in bankruptcy...  If your ex files for bankruptcy, and is in arrears of support payments, the spouse who is owed money can file a claim in the bankruptcy like any other creditor and receive dividends from their share of the bankrupt’s estate. Payments that are in arrears for 12 months prior to the date of the bankruptcy are considered a preferred claim, which means that they will be paid before all other creditors. Any alimony or child support that is not paid by the bankrupt estate is still owed by the paying spouse after they are discharged from bankruptcy.
— https://www.lawnow.org/divorce-and-bankruptcy-law-in-canada/

The article mentions needing legal advice to ensure you're not missing an important nuance to your case.  You might even need to consult with a lawyer experienced with bankruptcy rules and requirements.  For example, you are an interested party in his planned bankruptcy so you can't let the ex do all the filing, you are in charge of filing your required paperwork.

Just a side note, any relief he seeks from his lenders also means they can seek relief from him.  So if he wants out from his truck payments, they will almost surely reclaim their security, his truck.

[StillHopeful73]

Thank you for the information and article, worriedStepmom and ForeverDad. I'll just have to buckle down and do my research. Good to know it's not wiped clean. I'll start with FRO and go to my lawyer after that, if need be.