Feeling defeated, like I am failing

[StressedOutDaily]

Life has been pretty good the last couple of months...My DH and I have been meeting with our T for coaching, we attended a Family Connections weekend.  Overall things have been much calmer in our home and I was much more hopeful that we were moving in a positive direction.
(this is the short and clean version)Yesterday DD16 announced she was not going to a family event.  We prepared a DEARMAN, but she was escalated and we couldn't get past D...  She refused to go to the family party and took off to the beach to meet friends (newer friends, kids we prefer she didn't hang with)- then she got in a car and went off - no idea with whom or why... Today on the way home from the T - she tells me she is moving in with BF when he gets his own place in August.  (Didn't give this too much attention - August is very far away) Also told me she is not putting up with us and stupid concequences any more and may move out this week.  And stay with a friend C...some guy I just heard of today.  Oh and she is sleeping over at C's house Friday night and we can't do anything about it.  When we got home from her T appt - she texted me from upstairs she was going out with her new BF on a 2nd date to the mall.  He was picking her up in an Uber.  We said no - she went anyway.   She turned her phone off, when it went back on she was near the BF's house (no where near the mall).  We have strong suspicions new BF is a drug dealer, neither parent is around which is why he stays with a friend.  He graduates next week for HS and has no plans.  Her behavior is escalating quickly.  One week of school left ... then home after 9:30 am next Wednesday.   After emailing her T about conversation and events of this afternoon - her T thinks that she is impulsive and sensation seeking, she is right on the cusp of engaging in some high risk behaviors and she doesn't think the home  school environment  can actually contain her.  She thinks she might need a higher level of care.    Feeling very scared, sad..defeated

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[stampingt1]

StressedOutDaily,

Glad that you had a couple good months. Sorry that things are now headed the oppostite direction. "One step forward, two steps back." I don't think that you are NOT failing at all. Sounds like DD16 is trying to be defiant & impulsive. Maybe you could try getting her the higher level of care that her T suggested.

Don't forgot to take care of yourself during this difficult time.  

Stampingt!

[wendydarling]

Hi StressedOutDaily

I'm sorry to hear, that is a tough situation, the unknown of where it's going is scary after the recent calm. You are doing all the right things SOD, keep building your knowledge, practicing your skills, as Lollypop often says work on your core relationship, LP is also a master of re-do's, eg your DEARMAN when the coast is calm. What is your T suggesting by 'a higher level of care'?

Also told me she is not putting up with us and stupid concequences any more

What does your DD mean by this. Only the other day I was talking to my 30DD about an issue with our neighbours (she's been through DBT) and she called me out and said 'you need to let them experience the consequences of their actions!' I was like WOW...… there is hope SOD   As as Stampingt1 says it is one step forward one back..two forward.  It's not a linear journey, so when your heart is hurting, you feel defeated keep in mind that recent calm period you've had, as that is a breakthrough.

How's today been?

Big hugs to you dear SOD   us parents never give up.

WDx