Ex Unblocked me on FB 4yrs later and is mimicking my life

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Well hello friends.  It’s been awhile since I’ve posted or read these boards. I left the site awhile back in an effort to move on. This site has been so valuable to me but after awhile I felt stuck and decided I was ruminating more being active here than moving on...
But I digress. To any newbies reading this, I was on here a few years and I got a ton of great advice that got me through terrible times which I so appreciate!

So what brings me here today? Well a few weeks ago a friend of mine we will call Allie contacted me saying she heard from my ex. Allie runs a public social group I plan 50 plus events for a year—-because I love planning events and I’m a social butterfly. This is not a paid job, just something I do for fun outside of work.
Anyways Allie tells me my ex has started another public social group and would like to host events together. My ex has been 100 percent no contact and not a part of this group for over 5yrs and now she and her fiancée who she left me for are running another LGBT group in the area.

While there is nothing wrong with this I am triggered by the fact she HATED that I planned events. She said dating me was social suicide because I was so involved in the community. She told me that’s what pushed her away and it seems like she is now repeating history only she’s in my role heading up a group. My friend Allie saw right through it and said there is no way our groups will be cross posting events, she sees it as her trying to push me out and I guess that’s how I see it too.

Side note: she met her fiancé in a social group I ran. I thought she was a new friend of ours and they started screwing around behind my back.

We are grown a— adults. I’m 46 and she’s pushing 50. This shouldn’t bother me but I have done so good keeping boundaries and I dont even want to talk to her. A part of me thinks that looks childish but when I think of the terrible things she’s done to me including physical assault I feel I am justified in my decision to have 0 contact.

Then last week all of a sudden pics were popping up in my FB feed. Apparently she’s unblocked me on FB. Of course I checked and she has very specific posts visible. Almost all are her current GF gushing about her being the love of her life.

I know the games, I know this was planned out, just why now? I feel on high alert and I hate that feeling. It’s not like she’s directly contacted me but I feel like by me even looking at stupid FB she did.

All of a sudden I feel like I’m in competition with her. This group is a passion and fun activity for me. I’m so afraid of losing it and losing friends I have made because our community is small and a lot of the women in my group are also in hers. I’m worried about slander or her just trying to weasel into my personal space. I’m not sure how to handle this and I’m dreading coming face to face with her and her fiancée.

[Pretty Woman]

Well hello friends.  It’s been awhile since I’ve posted or read these boards. I left the site awhile back in an effort to move on. This site has been so valuable to me but after awhile I felt stuck and decided I was ruminating more being active here than moving on...
But I digress. To any newbies reading this, I was on here a few years and I got a ton of great advice that got me through terrible times which I so appreciate!

So what brings me here today? Well a few weeks ago a friend of mine we will call Allie contacted me saying she heard from my ex. Allie runs a public social group I plan 50 plus events for a year—-because I love planning events and I’m a social butterfly. This is not a paid job, just something I do for fun outside of work.
Anyways Allie tells me my ex has started another public social group and would like to host events together. My ex has been 100 percent no contact and not a part of this group for over 5yrs and now she and her fiancée who she left me for are running another LGBT group in the area.

While there is nothing wrong with this I am triggered by the fact she HATED that I planned events. She said dating me was social suicide because I was so involved in the community. She told me that’s what pushed her away and it seems like she is now repeating history only she’s in my role heading up a group. My friend Allie saw right through it and said there is no way our groups will be cross posting events, she sees it as her trying to push me out and I guess that’s how I see it too.

Side note: she met her fiancé in a social group I ran. I thought she was a new friend of ours and they started screwing around behind my back.

We are grown a— adults. I’m 46 and she’s pushing 50. This shouldn’t bother me but I have done so good keeping boundaries and I dont even want to talk to her. A part of me thinks that looks childish but when I think of the terrible things she’s done to me including physical assault I feel I am justified in my decision to have 0 contact.

Then last week all of a sudden pics were popping up in my FB feed. Apparently she’s unblocked me on FB. Of course I checked and she has very specific posts visible. Almost all are her current GF gushing about her being the love of her life.

I know the games, I know this was planned out, just why now? I feel on high alert and I hate that feeling. It’s not like she’s directly contacted me but I feel like by me even looking at stupid FB she did.

All of a sudden I feel like I’m in competition with her. This group is a passion and fun activity for me. I’m so afraid of losing it and losing friends I have made because our community is small and a lot of the women in my group are also in hers. I’m worried about slander or her just trying to weasel into my personal space. I’m not sure how to handle this and I’m dreading coming face to face with her and her fiancée.

[OutOfEgypt]

Hi Pretty Woman,

I can identify with your frustration.  I had similar feelings when my ex-wife started attending the Church we went to.  All those kinds of thoughts came into my mind, wondering about how she would manipulate things, sabotage things, and how it would stir up my feelings competition with her... which she always blamed on me, like I was just insecure and she wasn't doing anything wrong.

Looking back, those feelings of competition were understandable because I intuitively knew what she was doing.  It wasn't an insecurity thing.  It was a concern about a manipulative person trying to hurt me and possibly succeed.  However, I wish I didn't let them get a hold of me so tightly.  The truth is... she lacks the capacity to commit to anything and hold it together.  At least for my ex, that's how she is.  She also isn't as great at selling her fake persona as she thinks or as I used to fear.  Some buy it, but most don't.  I don't know if your ex is like that or if she is more high-functioning.  Either way, one can only keep up a fake persona for so long.  My sense is that she'll blow it up.

As much as you can, try to allow this to focus you on what you are doing in your social club and why you are doing it.  Sorry you're going through this.  I understand how frustrating this can be in a small town.  Usually, at least for my ex, the truth eventually comes out on its own.  I've had people I barely know shake my hand and tell me, "wow, I'm so sorry!" after realizing who my ex is. 

[Pretty Woman]

OutofEgypt, thank you for your thoughtful response. It’s amazing how she still occupies my thoughts. It’s amazing how this still bothers me. I am blessed knowing I will make the right decisions based on the tools I’ve acquired the past few years. I know if I react it will fuel her. That is why when she blocked me years ago, and I blocked her too, I eventually unblocked. Blocking is drama and it sends a message, “yes you affect me” and that’s why I unblocked. I ran the social stuff when we had a group together years ago, it was me and I’m a planner...she is not. I’m trying to mentally wish her luck knowing people enjoy what I plan and that’s not going to change by them attending one of her trivia nights. If she slanders me that will look poor on her part, not mine. I’m going to keep on doing what I’ve been doing and try not to give her power.