Hi Cat Familiar:
You can say that again!
Being annoyed, frustrated, irritated are all triggers for nons. Because they aren’t as “big” a response as a dysregulation, we may not even realize that we might be triggered. Perhaps our BPD loved ones don’t realize when they start getting triggered either.
I can tell when my husband is about to go bonkers. He's doing it less than before, as I have noticed that he talks a lot about how "her kids are not part of our life anymore" etc. It might help him cope, but it triggers me. He tells people that my kids are no longer part of our life (his life maybe). He will say rude and mean things about my son in front of of his friends, because that makes him feel better. Regardless, I get so angry inside, but can't discuss it as it will trigger him!
I found myself secretly disliking him last night after he fell asleep. I started thinking about my kids and how he has managed to 'get rid of them' from his life. I travel to see them weekly, sometimes twice a week for just an hour. The hope of them ever coming here to visit me is nil. I can't take a chance on him being 'triggered'.
He's being dishonest with me too. There is an upcoming industry trip, one that he said he would take me on at one time. He then changed his mind as it would cost too much. I found out today that he has bought tickets for one of his 'friends' and is putting him up at a hotel etc. You can imagine how I feel. He's not said a word about it, and it makes me think that he just decided to axe me from the plan. Rather than being honest, which I could accept, he's made this a big secret.
There was a time that he wanted me to be more of an assistant to him, and help him. Instead, he put off giving me work to do, and procrastinated on it all. It would have been better if he would have just told the truth. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO TELL THE TRUTH? It makes me question any of his motives/plans etc. So, as a result, I have decided that I don't want to help him, and will not ask him if he needs it. When it came down to having to pay me, or share any of the profits he changed his mind. At the bank today, I made a deposit for him and the banker said "Ms... You can check your balance online". Unfortunately, I have no access to anything financial. This sounds like a rant, and maybe it is. I'm finally getting sick of being treated like a second citizen.
I'm in my Masters program and starting a life coaching course soon. It's time to think about myself. No more triggering him if I'm out of his hair.