Internet Dating (foot in mouth)

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

once removed started a thread a while back about Internet dating. The feedback was interesting. My response was pretty much a big “No”. I’m trying to date again. Differently than I have in the past. Meeting a woman in person has been a challenge. Suffice to say, I’m getting nowhere. I started an online account. I’ve talked to a few women without any real results. They want something right now. I’m looking for friendship and seeing where it goes.

I’m not getting off track here, so bear with me. I’ve also been thinking about and exploring the idea of God A LOT for a while. The reasons behind that are for another post.

I came across a profile of a woman that holds God and Jesus very close to her heart. I contacted her and she responded. In a week she’s going to give a speech at several churches about overcoming her tattered past and how accepting God and the savior were a pivotal part in her healing. I don’t know exactly what she went through. I won’t pry, but my gut tells me that her bio would probably fit in here. She did mention an abusive ex that is an addict, but that’s it. She didn’t pour it all on. She also said that she’s healed. I believe that’s true if she’s about to get up and tell her story to congregations. She says that her motive is to hopefully help others heal by telling her story. She’s also writing a book that encourages girls to know their beauty on the inside.

I can’t help but pay attention to the fact that I’ve been thinking heavily about God and the savior and cross paths in a way with this woman.

She has stated that she’s not interested in jumping into dating yet, but she would like to get to know me and become friends. This is exactly where I’m at. I can’t help but feel a little excited. I’m calling her later for the first time.

A little nervous, but excited to talk to her.

[JNChell]

once removed started a thread a while back about Internet dating. The feedback was interesting. My response was pretty much a big “No”. I’m trying to date again. Differently than I have in the past. Meeting a woman in person has been a challenge. Suffice to say, I’m getting nowhere. I started an online account. I’ve talked to a few women without any real results. They want something right now. I’m looking for friendship and seeing where it goes.

I’m not getting off track here, so bear with me. I’ve also been thinking about and exploring the idea of God A LOT for a while. The reasons behind that are for another post.

I came across a profile of a woman that holds God and Jesus very close to her heart. I contacted her and she responded. In a week she’s going to give a speech at several churches about overcoming her tattered past and how accepting God and the savior were a pivotal part in her healing. I don’t know exactly what she went through. I won’t pry, but my gut tells me that her bio would probably fit in here. She did mention an abusive ex that is an addict, but that’s it. She didn’t pour it all on. She also said that she’s healed. I believe that’s true if she’s about to get up and tell her story to congregations. She says that her motive is to hopefully help others heal by telling her story. She’s also writing a book that encourages girls to know their beauty on the inside.

I can’t help but pay attention to the fact that I’ve been thinking heavily about God and the savior and cross paths in a way with this woman.

She has stated that she’s not interested in jumping into dating yet, but she would like to get to know me and become friends. This is exactly where I’m at. I can’t help but feel a little excited. I’m calling her later for the first time.

A little nervous, but excited to talk to her.

[itsmeSnap]

Hey JNChell!

Good to hear you're taking care of yourself.

I don’t know exactly what she went through. I won’t pry, but my gut tells me that her bio would probably fit in here. She did mention an abusive ex

We're statistically more likely of the "rescuer/fixer/caretaker" type around here  so this seems relevant:

Even if she said herself she's "healed", have you thought about what that means for your dating that you find these traits of her interesting/attractive?

[JNChell]

It’s not that it causes interest in me, she just seems to have a high level of self awareness which I see as a positive thing. During our conversation yesterday, it became pretty evident that she has done “the work”. It was a nice conversation. You’re right, many of us are rescuer/fixer types, including me. I don’t know her yet, but she doesn’t strike me as someone that is seeking to be rescued. I think she’s already rescued herself which I find attractive.

[gotbushels]

JNChell  

She has stated that she’s not interested in jumping into dating yet, but she would like to get to know me and become friends. This is exactly where I’m at. I can’t help but feel a little excited.

I know a bit of where you're at. Her profile as you described does sound promising. I hope things work out well for you here.  

It’s not that it causes interest in me, she just seems to have a high level of self awareness which I see as a positive thing.

Yes, I agree—a high level of self-awareness is a positive.

You’re right, many of us are rescuer/fixer types, including me.

Two fixers in friendship—that's a good start, I think.

I think she’s already rescued herself which I find attractive.

I know what you mean. There's something attractive about people who have somehow survived great difficulty—and use it to create value for others rather than bask in victimhood.

I'm looking forward to your sharing how things go.  

[JNChell]

Thanks for stopping by, gotbushels. I thought you might show up here.  It’s only been a little messaging and one phone conversation, so I’m being realistic about it. It’s very possible that nothing will materialize, but it feels good to be attracted to her. The old me would’ve jumped at the chance with the women that seemed to be in a hurry to start a relationship. Not anymore. No, no and no. Thanks for the insight and validation.

[gotbushels]

I'm glad to be one of those in your company on this JNChell.

Don't forget the top 3 methods to meet people now (by one study) are by friends, online, and by social venues from this discussion. So I think there's less taboo if you met someone online.

To support your discussion here, I met quite a stable couple at a church meeting recently. They met by online dating, but with a screening service done. I didn't think there was much wrong with it. Conversely, I'm happy they met by the dating service because they seemed to be quite a good fit for each other.

They attend each other's churches and church meetings in a 50/50 fashion. What impressed me was that it seemed their faith was quite independent of their relationships. This is in contrast to the stories I hear of how X guy attended Y church almost entirely because of his Z prospective date. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, by the way.

I understand the bashful feeling if I was asked how I met a date—if I met her online. Thinking about it—I don't think it implies anything about us as people or our worth. In many ways, screened services make more sense at making sustainable relationships because you have a person hired to set people up who are thought to last. That to me seems to be a more stable start than meeting someone at a bar or even through friends. So I don't think it's something to be foot-in-mouth about.