Unsure of contact

[Carguy]

So it has been about a week and a half or so since my ex BPD told me that we can't be friends or talk anymore because it's too hard for her and brings up feelings for me that she feels guilty for  having since she is starting a relationship with another guy now.

 I have refrained from contacting her and to be honest, part of me still wants to hear from her but part of me does not at this point because of the hurt it brings me.

The question I have is she has an old truck body still here on my trailer that she bought a few years ago that she wanted to build together with me and she bought my family's old car out of the estate that she still has here that she said she would give to me because she said she still owes me money and she has flowers in my flower bed that were her grandmother's that she wants to pull out and get rid of cuz she's angry with her family and her since deceased grandmother (and after she ended it completely she told me she would still come pull out). I also have kittens from two of my mama cats and she wanted me to keep two of them for her and her children.

The last time we talked she told me we couldn't be friends or talk anymore. Since we were not going to be friends and talk and she was unlikely to be coming down to see the kittens I asked her if I should give them away when I give the rest of the kittens away. She started crying and told me it made sense. I asked her if she wanted me to keep them for her still and then she finally told me she was going to move to the city where this guy lives and then she can have her kittens so I told her that I would keep them then and not give them away with the rest.

 To be honest I don't know if she has moved already or not Since I have no contact with her at this point. My question is should I hold off and not ask her  about what is going on with all these things for a few months or should I just let her Get in contact with me when she decides what she's doing with her stuff? I don't think I really want to ask her anytime soon just because I'm still really heart broke and hurting from all of this.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

You told her what she needed to know, and it sounds like in a friendly way.  Ball's in her court.  I wouldn't re-ask.

Is it a burden to leave the flowers? I would think not.  The kittens... Perhaps? Or could you just provide them a good home?

[Carguy]

Honestly none of it is in my way at the moment or a burden. I made a deal with her that if I kept these two kittens for her that she have them spayed or neutered when they got old enough and maybe pitch in a little bit here and there to buy cat food. She agreed but I might have an organization to help me get them all spayed and neutered and the cost of the cat food really isn't worth it to me to break contact right now.

Part of me would like to contact her in a few months to get these matters resolved and part of me thinks I should let her make contact with me to take care of her things.

[Turkish]

A few months provide space to let you think about things.  To give yourself grace (to deal what you need to deal with, your own hurt) rather than rescuing her,  so to speak.

I would still leave it in her court. In such relationships, we too often take responsibility for his or her feelings, resulting in pain for us.

[Carguy]

You have a good point and I do feel like I need space to heal. My therapist pointed out that I'm currently grieving this loss and he is going to start grief counseling with me.

I think you're right on leaving the ball in her court. I think I need to just do my thing and work on myself and let her worry about her stuff over here.

Thank you for your response and opinion. I find this group and continued reading on this matter helps me a lot and it helps sooth me.

[Turkish]

How are you feeling about this a day later?

Observing other members over the years, and looking at myself with my ex and my mother, I think knowing when to serve and eapt for a return, so to speak, can be a struggle. 

[Carguy]

It's kind of hard but I believe even though I want to hear from her I should leave it alone and let her worry about her stuff and get in contact with me when she's ready. I think right now is too soon to make a solid decision on things but for now I'm not going to refrain from contacting her about it.

I'm having a struggle today with memories of her and missing her and wishing things were different but it is what it is and I can't make her want to be with me or make her love me.

 When she ended it and said she was going to see where things go with this other guy she looked me right in the eyes and told me that she loves and cares for me. I believe she does in her way.

A few weeks earlier she told me she was afraid of walking away from me and making a mistake and that I would get tired of her stuff and be done with her. She has told me in the past to that she's afraid of making a mistake and I asked if she meant by staying and she said or by leaving. A week after the break up when I talked to her she was still having feelings for me and felt guilty about them because she wanted to start a new relationship with this guy and told me we could no longer be friends or communicate because it was too hard for her.