BPD sister just got diagnosed with cancer. Of course it’s terrible, and I did my best to make time for her calls and indulge her requests for prayers (she always made fun of me because she thinks religion is a crock of
PLEASE READ—typical.)
However, the diagnosis has turned her PD up to 11 to the point that I cannot maintain my sanity around her. In the weeks leading up to her test results she tried to convince me that a suspicious lump was definitely terminal and that she was sure the cancer was aggressive and had spread to the other organs.
Turns out it’s a single stage 1 tumor and statistics show that once treated, it returns in only 6% of cases.
But she continues to change her stories every day—throwing out contradictory stories to see what sticks and what will make me prove I love her.
One day she says the doctors won’t confirm it’s cancer but “she just knows,” the next she says I have no sympathy because even before the biopsy results, MULTIPLE doctors confirmed it was aggressive and required chemo.
I told her the honest truth: if a single doctor, never mind MANY, told her she had aggressive cancer before seeing test results, she should seek a lawyer for a lawsuit and have their medical license revoked.
Another time she said a doctor called it “treatable” and the next day she said there were too many variables and that she was going to die.
She also had a nervous breakdown the other day, incessantly texting while I’m at my first job in three years (she knows how difficult my finance and work situation has been) to tell me I’ve never loved her. A doctor prescribed her a sedative for situations like this so I asked if she has taken them yet. She said no and continued to rant about how no one has ever given her the love she deserves. I told her it might be a good idea to call the doctor and she said that all of my “logical” replies were proof that I wouldn’t care if she was dead.
After all of this, she came back the next day with a one line apology. I said I wish her well. Now that we know her disease is highly treatable, I hope she has much more time to find the love that she wants.
Somehow this led to her provoking me again, badgering me about lacking empathy and how I would never drop my stupid new business to visit her when she thought she was dying.
The thing is, cancer didn’t make her this unstable. She has had plenty of similar episodes in the past and cancer has now given her a reason to guilt me into putting up with the behavior. Everything comes back to “is this how you treat someone who might die?”
But where is the mistreatment? Texting her good luck before every appointment? Keeping multiple promises to say prayers, keeping her on the line while she bawls her brains out. .
Has anyone been through something similar where you easily look like the asshole when behind the scenes it’s a totally different story? Am I awful if I cut her off? I really can’t do this anymore.
