Desperate for validation

[wifewifelife]

My wife and I have been in couple's counseling for about 5 months and it has been really going nowhere. I began seeing my own therapist about a month ago and while she knows she cannot diagnose my wife as she does not know her, she feels as though her behavior, as I describe it is very similar to that of someone with BPD. So she recommended the book, Stop Walking On Eggshells which I have purchased and begun reading. It is, at the very least extremely validating. My wife is struggling to get the personal help she needs but does start her own therapy in a couple weeks. My worry is that she has reported that she does not believe therapy will help and does not seem to have an open mind regarding her need for help. She lost her twin brother in February to a drug overdose and her father almost 10 years ago of a sudden heart attack. Not to mention some other childhood trauma that has occurred. I continue to struggle with her not taking responsibility for her half of the relationship and often am left feeling as though everything is my fault and I am a terrible person. I guess I am just looking to see if anyone else has had a similar experience and this worked out positively? Or are we doomed?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[I Am Redeemed]

wifewifelife,

Welcome to our community! I am sorry for what brings you here but I am glad you have found us.

It's good that you are in therapy and that your wife is considering individual counseling, even if she is skeptical about it. It's also good that your T is familiar with what may be going on and recommended SWOE.

There are members here who have managed to improve relationships by using the relationship tools and resources here as well as participating in therapy. I hope that you will look around and explore some of our articles and read and respond to others' posts. I think you will see that you are not alone.

We're glad to have you here.