Hello guys
so my ex boyfriend (we both have BPD) of 1 year which always lived with me broke up with me 2 weeks ago.
He was gone for 1 month for his job at the summer camp, we texted everyday, sending each other pictures of something we saw that day, our dog, him at the beach. It was pretty normal.
Then he told me he bought me a citrine bracelet to fight anxiety, depression etc.
The next morning he told me he wanted to talk about us... that we weren't evolving, i'm too impulsive and he wanted to stop everything.
He told me he needed to think about it till he came back.
When he came back he didn't say a thing for 2 days.. it was so awkward and we were so sad it was horrible then one night he asked me if he could stay at our place while he was looking for a new place... (he hasnt done it yet). I said yes and started crying... i didn't cause a scene. I just asked for a hug until he fell asleep...
Thats how i knew it was over. He deleted our relationship on facebook the next day and then everything went back to normal (almost).
He's back to his bubbly self, we started talking more almost like in the beggining, like we're not exes. He still sleeps right next to me, makes us food, buys food, goes to the same parties as me.
When i come back from work and go for a nap he leaves his computer and goes to nap with me. He makes jokes, touch me sometimes. Pokes my nose.
We had sex since we broke up, it was wonderful. It was like nothing happened. He told me we shouldn't do it but we did it anyway because we wanted to.
(but he asked me if i was keeping him for sex and i said NO. Obviously. I asked him if thats what he really thought and he told me yes then no. He asked me if that would be enough for me and i told him i didnt want to talk about that because it would make me sad BUT i think thats what he wants..)
The next morning i woke up to him petting my leg. Since then we had movie nights, he went to buy pizza for us at 1am because he was drunk and all bubbly.
But this weekend we went to the same party and at some point he started yelling for no reason (there must be one but he didnt tell me) and threw my beer in the trash because i "always do stupid sh*t and i'm f*ck*ng everything up" i told him about it the next morning and he didnt remember anything.
That night i went to sleep on the couch but he told me to come back because the couch would "destroy my back". Since then we're normal.
Nothing crazy, nothing bad but we don't look like exes TO ME.
It's only my opinion though. But i want him back. I want him to come back to me and try to make everything better AGAIN. We can do it.
I know i'm SAD sometimes and i sleep a LOT and it probably doesnt help him either and makes me look like a burden but when i'm good i'm GREAT.
I just need patience. Just like him.
I'm patient with him. I love him. I want to help him.
He's a very nervous and angry person when he splits (which he does a lot because he drinks a lot), i'm more of a quiet BPD.
He only told me once he loved me so maybe... he never loved me and only likes me as a friend. I don't know.
But i know we can make everything better.
At one point, right after our break up i told him i would see a psychologist (i cant pretend i'm fine all the time, certainly not after the break up) and he told me it was great.
Yesterday he went to spain for a week and i miss him so much i can't function without him.
I only sent him a message telling him to "have a great week because he deserves it!" and thats it.
I wont send anything until he comes back, i don't want to be too clingy since we're not together anymore.
I need advices... please. I've been crying so much since then.
