Help Kids handle multiple life event changes in short time

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Trying to co-parent with my ex husband who I believe has BPD.  After 1 year separation ex has moved in with girlfriend, married her, becoming step parent to her D12 and new baby on the way.  Ex and I have two kids S9 and D6.  Both children having issues coping with the sudden change that has happened over  11 months.  I am working to validate my kids feelings and give them a safe space to vent.  Unfortunately my D6 has started getting UTI infections multiple times dealing with all the stress.  I've requested counseling for her but ex husband does not agree.  S9 is frustrated that D6 gets lots of attention due to the infections and is acting out on many levels.  I am starting to go to counselor myself to get tips on how to help both kids but they are still struggling.  Any ideas on how I can get ex husband to change his mind about counseling to help the kids?  Court is an option I know but I'm trying to see other options too.

[family1st]

Trying to co-parent with my ex husband who I believe has BPD.  After 1 year separation ex has moved in with girlfriend, married her, becoming step parent to her D12 and new baby on the way.  Ex and I have two kids S9 and D6.  Both children having issues coping with the sudden change that has happened over  11 months.  I am working to validate my kids feelings and give them a safe space to vent.  Unfortunately my D6 has started getting UTI infections multiple times dealing with all the stress.  I've requested counseling for her but ex husband does not agree.  S9 is frustrated that D6 gets lots of attention due to the infections and is acting out on many levels.  I am starting to go to counselor myself to get tips on how to help both kids but they are still struggling.  Any ideas on how I can get ex husband to change his mind about counseling to help the kids?  Court is an option I know but I'm trying to see other options too.

[david]

Courts like counseling and it should not be a problem in court.
I can not coparent with my ex so I parallel parent and that works.
If you go to court you might want to get the courts to give you certain rights in areas for the kids if you can show the court how much obstruction goes on. Document everything you can.

[GaGrl]

In the meantime, your children might benefit from talking with their school counselors, which can bypass the "therapy" designation that your ex is resisting.

Therapy should, however, be the goal.

[worriedStepmom]

You could try blaming the need for therapy on you.  "I'm having trouble managing things, and I think it would help to have a counselor give me ideas on what else they need from me." 

My daughter had a lot of UTIs at that age (and with a similar stress level).  The pediatrician told me to stop letting her use bubble bath and to train her to take a shower (so she isn't sitting in soapy water).  I also had him write a note to the teacher so she could go to the bathroom whenever she wanted, and not just when the class went. 

Good luck!

[mart555]

Go for "family therapy" but have the therapist focus mostly on the kid?  That way the ex has no say on this..

[family1st]

Thank you all for the comments and suggestions. Family therapy would be nice but the counselor will not even see the kids without both parents consent first.  Will try the school counselor first.  Definitely not using bubble bath anymore per doctors orders. 

[david]

You might be able to have the school counselor recommend counseling, in writing. This would be an added bonus if you have to go to court. Another reason for the courts to give you some additional decision power. The series of steps you needed to take in order to help your child and the roadblocks you are encountering.